On Sunday my grandmother and Evil Mother convinced me to let her come over to have tea. I told her I do not want her to come to my house as I’m afraid she will refuse to leave. She said she doesn’t have anything with her and I told her I don’t care. I am tired of playing nice with her. She doesn’t deserve it. Eventually I relented and she came over. Much superficial conversation came from me and lies spewed from within her. Typical. At some point I made mention of the fact that it’s a pity she’d lost all her furniture (which she insists someone seems to be storing for her free of charge – for like two years) as Rudi covets a white couch she had. She didn’t want to leave when I wanted her to, so I went to sleep and she eventually decided to go.
Yesterday morning she phones me all in tears. I must phone my grandfather. She doesn’t know why. <– Load of shit. They (her husband, father in law and herself) are being kicked out of the place where they are staying and she is on the street. Repeatedly asking me if she can move in with me. I repeatedly tell her to fly a kite. Oh it’s crisis! She’ll have to sleep in the street tonight…blah blah blah. She phones Rudi behind my back. She asks him to speak to me, as if he will change my mind. She does this ALL the time. She plays couples off against each other and tries to get them to talk each other into doing what she wants. She does it with my aunt and uncle and as well my grandparents. It has worked before. She’ll guilt one of them into guilting their partner. Pity I’m not that gullible. I tell Rudi he can go play in the traffic and get his own place if he wants to shack up with her, which of course, he doesn’t.
Finally I have a hard copy of a conversation between My Evil Mother and I. I often forget things that were said, but since this was a SMS exchange I can show you exactly how it went down.
Her: Do you want the couch?
Me: Depends how much
Her: Surely you know what I want
Me: If it what I have repeatedly told you “No” for, then you can keep it.
Her: U not stupid, but now u being very dumb
Me: Not in the mood for games. Say what you want or leave it.
Her: You said no
Me: Then it is no. I don’t see why you are still confused.
Her: U said no – Game over [Ed: here she is implying she will kill herself. This has happened before]
Me: Been down this road with you before as well. I learn my lessons.
Me: Perhaps if you take ownership of your life and problems you will stop getting into these kinds of situtations. If you continue to guilt trip me or cause me any more stress or worry I will be forced to break contact with you. My child is my first priority and I am not taking any chances with his wellbeing.
Her: All I know is I am crying for help and u won’t help me. I am not guilt tripping you
Me: No matter what we do for you further down the line we will have to walk this road with you again. It happens over and over. You have already drained us financially as much as we would allow and yet you want more. It will never be enough. The kind of help you need, I am not qualified to offer.
Her: How is it that u only remember the bad
Me: Because it overwhelms the good by so much and I do not foresee it changing.
Her: Please just one last chance
Her: U all advise me to leave but won’t help me do it
Me: I think it is high time you help yourself otherwise this vicious circle will continue to turn.
Her: I can’t do it alone
Me: You actually can. You’re just so used to other people solving your problems that you think you are not capable. If you were really that desperate, you would find a way. I suggest you stop focusing on what everyone else can do for you and help yourself. Imagine the possibilities.
Her: You bought me this for my b’day love is enduring and patient and kind
Me: It will only endure so much, be so patient and be so kind until tough love is required.
Thereafter, silence. She called me crying again this morning. She is a thick skinned one. She seems to think if she asks me enough, I’ll cave. She is mistaken. Rudi and I work very hard to have our home. We enjoy coming home in the evenings to be in each other’s company, to relax, to unwind from a hard day’s work. She will rob us of that and our privacy. She must be smoking crack. She actually might be. There is NO WAY IN HELL that I will allow her to stay there. I don’t care if she needs to stay there for 3 hours with her stuff before being able to move in somewhere else, NO. She’ll never leave.
This is another reason why I did not want her to come on Sunday. It’s like you open the door a crack and she bursts in…luggage in tow. Forget about it.
If she didn’t stress out my grandparents so much I would have no reason to contact her or to let her contact me. I try to buffer where I can, but it is very difficult. She will continue to take advantage of them as long as they let her and I cannot prevent that. I can counsel them and advise them, but that is all I can do. My grandfather, being the compassionate man he is falls for her emotional manipulation most often. In a way he enables her. I wonder what she is going to do when he is no longer there.
*sigh* Someone PLEASE make her go away!