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Leopards don’t change their spots

A liar is a thief and a thief is a murderer – Unknown

I’m not sure who originally said that, but they were right. My grandmother has told me this for years. I never thought it to be true, until now. How can someone who lies, end up to be a murderer? Apparently they can.

For years now we’ve known that My Evil Mother is a pathalogical liar. We’ve seen it in her behaviour and we’ve experienced it dealing with her. She lies about everything. She steals…and she lies about stealing.

I had to blog this out today. It was upsetting me and I needed to get it off my chest. The list of her transgressions is growing and becoming more and more difficult to ignore and “forgive”. I still don’t see the sense in “forgetting” after forgiving if you know the person you are forgiving will just do it again…and again and again. My grandfather hasn’t even been gone for three months yet and she has set to work on my grandmother in a big way.

Sherbet. I don’t even know where to start. She has held down a job for about a year now. An achievement for her, to say the least. The fact that she has a job is supposed to be a great comfort to the family, this means she has some way of providing for herself, right? For about a year now she has been begging/pleading/attempting to manipulate someone to give her a place to live so that she can get away from her abusive husband. Despite us finding her places to live, her excuse was always that she needed a car to get to work. If she didn’t have a car, she would surely lose her job (no public transport for her).

After my grandfather passed away, my grandmother used her inheritance to purchase herself a second hand car and returned the car they had been using for the past few years to my uncle. My uncle then decided to sell his car and use the one he had gotten back (the body was in really poor condition, but my grandfather had spent a lot of money getting the engine to run well). My mother pounced on the “available” car, seeing it as an opportunity to ‘escape her circumstances’. Somehow she convinced my grandmother to loan her the money (R12 000) to buy the car from my uncle as my uncle didn’t trust her to pay him monthly. Both her and my grandmother lied to me about how she managed to purchase the car. After I found out, My Evil Mother insisted that my grandmother had done this to “give” my uncle and aunt the money. My grandmother also “loaned” her R3 000 to pay a deposit and a month’s rent on a room she had found. The very same day she bought the car, something went wrong with it and it needed work. Another R1 000 my grandmother forked out. Then she needed to get her license replaced, a license for the car, etc. Another R500 from my grandmother. R16 500 so far. This is only the money that I know about. The agreement was that she would pay my grandmother R2 000 a month.

She convinced my grandmother to open a bank account on her name, after I refused. When she was asking me to open the account I was promised that I could keep the bank card, etc. Does she think I’m stupid? I would need to run up and down for her everytime she needed money? No thanks. My grandmother opens the account for her…and she insists on having the bank card. Fishy to say the least. Apparently the bank won’t allow her to open her own bank account unless she pays back the bank fees she owes them (under R1 000 according to her). This has still not been done and my grandmother still has this bank account in her name. My grandmother also receives all the notifications when My Evil Mother uses the account.

At the end of January, My Evil Mother paid my grandmother the R2 000 as agreed. Hallelujah, everyone is notified and must now sing her praises. She now has R7 in her bank account. This after trips to restaurants, beauty salons and heaven knows where else. She asked me to lend money last night, I told her to shove off (She was at my house baking cupcakes for Babyice’s birthday party). I also confiscated my grandmother’s bank card so that she would not be able to give her money without going through me.

My grandmother is worried SICK. Literally. My grandmother has stomach ulcers, back problems, heart problems and is still very much mourning my grandfather. She sees My Evil Mother only has R7 left for the rest of the month and KNOWS that she will come knocking on her door to try and get her through the month. That aside she has been telling my grandmother that she has “borrowed” (read: STOLEN) money from the petty cash at work and needs to replace it before anyone notices, she’ll lose her job if she doesn’t. She has also been saying that she had to borrow money from loan sharks while she was living with her husband and they are now calling her at work…she’s going to lose her job.

She comes to me with stories about how she was at karaoke the other evening and has met a man. He called her while she was at my house last night and she SQUEALED like a 16 year old girl ‘He called ME!’. This embodies what she is like. She is like a child. It’s how she lives. Flits from man to man like an irresponsible teenager that doesn’t know any better. Actions without consequence. Her parents will bail her out. It seems her and this woman (who she met in a pub) are hanging out in bars and casinos every night. This is such utter bullshit.

My grandparents have both told me that they feel the stress and worry My Evil Mother have caused in their lives contributed to my grandfather’s cancer. They both feel that it influenced/fueled his disease which eventually led to his death. It seems my grandmother is next in line. She repeatedly tells me while in tears that My Evil Mother is killing her. She can’t sleep, she comfort eats and it is negatively affecting her health. I don’t know how long she will last at this rate.

So…that’s how I get to murder. One by one she is picking them off. I know my grandmother is enabling her and allows this abuse to continue. I wish I could illustrate how manipulative she is. How her emotional blackmail WORKS. How she pushes your buttons exactly right to make you cave. She has been doing this all her life and she has mastered the art.

I feel powerless to stop it. I don’t know how I can help. I don’t know WHAT to do. I don’t want to lose my Ouma as well, but I cannot babysit everyone.