Yesterday was a tough day at work for me. It was the first year since Jamie passed away that I was not able to take leave to be at home. What this meant was that I was quiet and withdrawn all day and burst into tears periodically. My colleagues are really not used to me being quiet. I’m willing to bet they wish I would shut up sometimes!
This also meant I couldn’t bake for Jamie’s birthday like I normally do. Look, I’m not a good baker. It is a labour of love as well as an experiment every year. The first year I baked a cake that looked like a scone when it came out of the oven. It was also hard enough for me to be afraid that it might hurt birds that ate it, so after forcing a piece down I binned it.
Yesterday Sanita took me out during our lunch hour for a little but of retail therapy. When I grieve I find buying stuff to be really therapeutic. To put it in perspective, the day after my grandfather passed away I bought a king size bed. I really wanted to buy that Christmas tree yesterday! It didn’t take spending that much though. I visited Planet Nails and stocked up on nail files, bought some nail stickers and some fizzy manicure balls (like those bath bombs you get, but miniature ones for your nails). We popped off to a little shop to buy some cake for our annual celebration. Sanita recommended a chocolate swiss roll that you find at this shop that is slathered in caramel. Sounded good to me! I also bought some candles for the kids to blow out. Elijah really enjoys that 🙂 I really felt better after we came back from our lunch break, even though I had not spent thousands.
I also decided pizza for dinner was a good idea. We decided to try Dominos which is new to South Africa. Although the pizza wasn’t bad, I still prefer Panarottis. After dinner Elijah asked for cake every 5 minutes, so we didn’t wait too long before we had the cake. I popped some candles onto the cake, Elijah came to blow them out – Gabby wasn’t very interested, I’m sure this will come with age. I snapped a pic of the moment:
For some reason this year was more difficult for me than last year. I managed to take things in my stride last year and had a small cry. Yesterday I was distraught for the most part. I suspect having to be at work had something to do with that…just being around people when I would much rather be alone to wallow was hard. Hopefully next year I will be able to get the day off.
My blog hit 364 views yesterday. That is my highest number of views in a very long time. I received so many messages of love and support. It warmed my heart. I said in my letter to Jamie yesterday that other people have forgotten, but they have not. I was really grateful for everyone who took a moment out of their day to send us a message for Jamie’s birthday. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart <3