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Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

At this very moment I don’t think there is anyone in my life that I don’t want there.

There was a point in my life, not very long ago (around the time Babyice was born) that I had to let my mother go. I had to deny her all access to my life and even had to ask the rest of the family not to speak to me about her. I had to cut her off completely. She was upsetting me (while pregnant) and making me very nervous about her making my life hell again. She even started saying things like that she was going to report me to the authorities if I try to keep her away from her grandchild. All this made me very anxious.

The rest of the family wasn’t very understanding as to why I needed to do this and it was always an uphill battle. She was still very much so being her old self at the time. She was being bitchy and nasty, lending money from my grandparents and not paying them back and lashing out at my aunt and uncle who had been nothing but good for her.

It was very tough, but I had to stick to my guns and tough it out. She kept her distance when I gave birth. The first time she saw Babyice was at his baptism. She is slowly starting to do better. During September when Babyice was in hospital she gave me R4 500. Just gave it to me. She owes me a lot more, but the fact that she gave me money was astounding. She also hasn’t thrown it in my face or demanded anything in return yet. The money was more than welcome at the time since we had lots of medicine and doctor’s bills to pay.

I still keep her very much at arm’s length and don’t trust her with money and wouldn’t leave her alone with Babyice. She is still married to Coke Head and I wouldn’t want him around Babyice unless I was present. I allow her to see him while I’m there and don’t always decline her invitations. She is showing signs of change and I am watching her like a hawk. One wrong step and she’s outta here!