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Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself

I really, really hate how overweight I am. I have really crappy genes, grew up learning incorrect eating habits and never exercise. There are other, more deep seated reasons why I am overweight. Issues that I am only recently learning to deal with and hopefully working through them (by myself) will help me move forward in this regard. If you calculate my BMI it will tell you I’m morbidly obese.

Being overweight really bothers me. I have been overweight since the age of 9 or so. I remember being in primary school and we were all given shots and a general once over (including being weighed), the nurse sent me home with a diet book to give to my mother. I was so embarassed. Obviously food is a weakness for me, but what REALLY bothers me is that ANYONE on God’s green earth can spot my weakness from a mile away. Everybody has their issues, everybody has secrets and weaknesses, but with a lot of people you cannot see them when you walk past them in the street. My flaw is obvious and I am judged at a glance. I judge other fat people (obviously because I judge myself so harshly). When I see a fat child I feel so sorry for them, knowing what I went through as a child and that I am now an adult and have not been able to change this. I know what people think when they see me. I know the assumptions that are made.

Obviously I’ve tried to lose weight. I’ve tried hard. I’ve tried exercise, many diets, etc. I know I have to change my lifestyle. It seems so obvious…it’s seems like such an easy thing to do – to control what you put in your mouth, but it’s not as simple as that. I wish it was.

Right now I’m trying my best to cut out sugar and as much carbs as possible. I’m not extremely strict on myself and I don’t crucify myself if I eat a piece of bread or some mash potato. I’m trying to make a change for the long run, not just “till I lose x amount of kilos”. It’s working slowly.

Exercise is something I am going to have to work really hard at. I need to make time for it. I know this. I will try.

I hope I can look back at this post one day and say that I did it. That I no longer hate this about myself.