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Catch up

I really wish I could blog more. I really do. I have zero time at work any more. I’ve now moved over to the portfolio I was dreading going to. It’s not all that bad. I have to call more customers, usually very angry customers. It’s stressful, but the happy pills I’m taking right now are calming me down considerably. Yes. I’m taking something. I only have two months supply and once they’re done I’ll see how I’m doing. Otherwise I’ll have to go to a doctor and ask for more. I kind of got these “under the table”, just to see if they would work. They really do seem to be helping me.

Babyice is sick AGAIN. He’d been coughing and snotty for a while, but we assumed that it was because his second bottom tooth was coming out. Yes! He has TWO bottom teeth now! (I’m ridiculously excited and in awe of these two pearly whites. Ridiculously.) On Tuesday, however, yellow stuff started oozing from his eyes. A lot more than ever has before. We went straight to the doctor. That is Babyice’s infection indicator for us. As soon as his eyes start oozing yellow stuff, we know he has an infection. So we got antibiotic eye drops for him, antibiotics and some Flemeze to let him cough the phlegm off his chest. I also got a SMS from a doctor we saw in February yesterday, requesting that I pay my account within 7 days. I never received an account from them! I assumed the medical aid had paid! I’ll have to put a call in today since the number was unavailable to find out how much we must pay and what the banking details are *sigh*

With all these doctors bills and expenses…I’m really starting to wonder if it’s a good idea to have another baby, but I really do still want to. Perhaps I’m jumping the gun. My friends with kids keep telling me it will get better once he builds up his immunity. Perhaps we’ll wait and see when he is a little older (like 1?) and then start deciding whether a second one will really be that bad. Poor Cazpi’s little one is in hospital now. Just like Babyice was. With the same thing. I hope he gets better soon. Sending love and hugs her way!

My grandfather is no better and not really much worse. He is busy organizing what he wants to leave to whom. I’ve been requested to write down what I want. He says he feels really good letting go of these worldly things he has hung on to for so very long. He is, quite frankly, pissed off that he is still alive and suffering. He starts morphine today. He has been afraid to take the morphine. Even though he says he wants to die (and I’m sure he does), there is a stigma attached to the morphine. The stigma that it is the beginning of the very end when you start taking it (isn’t this what he wants?). I sat him down and explained to him that it’s really not the morphine that is going to kill him. It’s the cancer. The morphine is just there to take his pain away and make him feel better. I just hope he doesn’t have bad hallucinations. I’ve seen him on morphine before when he went in to have the operation on his colon. It makes him quite dopey. His eyes are glazed and he isn’t quite all “there”.

I’m feeling rather negative about my body at the moment. I really want to change it and I *know* I’m going to need to exercise. I’m always really tired and exercise is supposed to give you energy. I’m struggling to find time for anything right now. Babyice is our first priority and our time with him during the week is so short and precious. I need to do something, but it’s difficult. Before I got pregnant with Babyice Rudi and I went on an eating plan and walked briskly 3 times a week. I lost 9 kg in about 3 months. Losing the weight was awesome, but the exercise still sucked donkey balls. I hated doing it. It never got easier for me. It was just as hard the first day as it was after 3 months. I didn’t feel more energized. It was really demotivating. I realize that exercise is the missing link for me. It’s the reason that I don’t keep off the weight that I lose and that I lose weight slowly (when I don’t do it). I just don’t understand why I can’t exercise (if I ever find the time) and get better at it…get less out of breath and enjoy some endorphins (never got that benefit either). If I could only do that…it would change my life…but HOW?