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Tag Archives: The Company

Lent For Liam – Paypal

The Paypal account for Lent for Liam has been set up. I’ve never used Paypal so I’m not sure how it works, but the e-mail address supplied was ljcadger@gmail.com and the site is of course https://www.paypal.com/za.

I’ve been a bad blogger. I know. I’ve just been SO busy working. They’re now measuring our efficiency (read: productivity) per hour so trying to blog takes a chunk out of your hour and you’re called in and questioned as to why you attended to less queries in that particular hour. I know. Ridiculous. It was so bad on Friday we had to tell Jubba when we were going to pee. It’s worse than being in school!

Needless to say it has been frustrating! Yesterday I was supposed to be at work at 7AM. I only opened my eyes at 7AM. Working the entire weekend and again today (which is a public holiday in South Africa) has left me tired and grumpy! Also, every day I go in there is a chance I’ll be sent over to that portfolio I hate as they constantly need bailing out and our team seems to be the ones constantly doing it. Every day they calculate how many people we need (based on how many queries we can handle per hour and how many queries there are ready to be dealt with) and then take the rest of the staff and move them over to that portfolio.

Perhaps I should explain why I don’t like working in this portfolio. Basically the customers are different to the ones we deal with in our portfolio, often they spend large amounts of money with the company and thus have a sense of entitlement. More often than not the feedback we have to give these customers is not favourable and they end up crapping all over you. They also start asking really technical questions and since my colleagues and I don’t work with these queries every day, sometimes we have to make things up, or ask the customer to hold while we ask someone else. Sounding incompetent much? I can’t really explain the full extent of it without perhaps revealing more than I should about The Company, so I’ll leave it at that.

I was dreading have to work alone in my portfolio today. I thought I would be stuck there all bloody day. Surprisingly it didn’t take all day. I left just before 1PM. Awesome!

Right now I feel like I could really do with a nap, but I’ll probably just lie under the covers and watch NCIS. The sun is out, but it’s still chilly. I’m not fooled by the winter sun…Rudi has gone off to visit Lindor…so I think some NCIS will be a good way to pass the time.

+1kg

Eina. Gained one. I’m not surprised as we ate (and drank) well the weekend. Trying to face my water today, if nothing else!

No time to blog. Work is a load of crap. I’m hating it. They’re implementing all sorts of new rules and stuff. Basically making us work harder and justifying it by saying we’ve been working at this pace for a while now. Out of desperation! Idiots.

Will have to start writing my blog from home it seems.

$ Money makes me happy $

I am in a fantastic mood today. I wish I could feel like this every day. I wish EVERYONE could feel like this every day! I must confess that it is my shallow self that has me beaming.

It’s bonus month at The Company this month. We get 4 a year. Yes. One every three months. Don’t hate. We work hard! I also managed to wrack up quite a few hours of overtime which was all approved at once and voila!

$$$

No doubt that I will be broke halfway through next month…but I will be broke with no debt, a lot more savings, a new tattoo and just general happiness! I’ve done some calculations and I’ll even be able to pay off my half of the TV that we bought last month!

Our payslips were only put online yesterday…and I already went and bought two pairs of shoes after work. Pffft. Money burns holes in my pocketses! I think it would be an awesome idea to save on my credit card, but my credit card is WAY too easily whipped out and swiped. That’s what I did yesterday. Swiped the card in anticipation of getting paid tonight. I’ll stick to my 32 day account where I have to give an entire month notice. Much safer.

I’ve also promised my grandfather anything he wants for his birthday (it may be his last, after all) and invited them to a dinner at a restaurant of his choice after we come back from George.

I love being able to do this! I hope that everyone finds themselves in this position at some time in their lives. Even if it’s only one time. Pity money can’t buy a pregnancy.

Emo

I feel so emo today. It’s not anybody’s fault. I suppose it’s just a culmination of things that have made me feel distraught and inconsolable.

I had the day off work today. The Company was nice enough to make allowance for us to observe Ascension Day today. Last night Rudi went to play darts. I asked him very nicely not to wake me when he got home as I am already having trouble sleeping and would have taken my second last sleeping tablet. I didn’t know if I would be able to get back to sleep if I was disturbed. He woke me up anyway.

This morning I went to church, after which my grandmother picked up My Evil Mother for work and we went off to the supermarket where I bought some things to make a nice dinner for Rudi. I managed to sleep for about 30 minutes this afternoon, but my much needed nap was rudely interrupted by a phone call from work which I rejected. The damage was done though.

Shortly after this my grandfather called. He had gone for another colonoscopy today. It was a routine check up after his operation last year in which they removed about 10 centimeters of his colon. They found an abnormality. They took a sample and have sent it away for testing. It could be more cancer. It seems I will need to start facing the fact that my grandfather is not going to be with us much longer. I never expected it to turn out this way. My Oupa was meant to be around to see my baby.

At some stage during the day I was looking for something for heartburn – one of the many tablets I’m taking at the moment seems to cause it. While shuffling through our cupboards I came across the positive pregnancy test I had taken last year, like I wasn’t feeling sad enough already. The longing for a baby has been coming back rather strongly lately, very strongly. I can’t deny it anymore. As hard is it seems to be to just get pregnant, other negative thoughts have been creeping into my mind. Getting pregnant is only half the battle won; there are still a million things that could go wrong after conception has taken place. You have to get pregnant first though…and that seems to be proving much more time consuming that I would have liked.

So to distract myself I set about cooking supper. I made some chicken, roast vegetables and baby potatoes with garlic butter. Elaborate for me. Rudi usually cooks, but seeing as how I was at home I thought I would treat him. Rudi came home on time and upon seeing the meal I prepared for him he looked at me expectantly and said ‘What’s for pudding?’

Snap. That did it.

I went from zero to bitch in 0.2 seconds.

I just feel like crying. I’m still exhausted. My sleeping tablets are finished. Turns out they’re a schedule 5 drug and the doctor was not in today for me to call to ask for a script. I lay in Rudi’s arms for a while and cried a bit. He hates it when I cry. It frustrates him. He’s never really known how to handle it properly. He asked what the matter is, but the truth is I don’t want to talk about it. I would just start crying and that would just make him feel more helpless. He can’t fix it. He can’t say anything to make it better. He can’t change it.
I find that when I am in dire emotional need I have friends that are there for me. Friends, who are willing to help and do almost anything, Leebeesa for instance, when I was in hospital last year I swear I could have asked her for anything and she would have been prepared to do it, the problem is, when you’re THAT down and out, there is nothing anyone can say or do that can make things better. This is no fault of theirs. You’re inconsolable. That’s simply what it is to be inconsolable.

Lately I find that the internet has been a great source of comfort for me. My blog: an outlet like no other. Twitter, a stream of consciousness, constant support and people who care. Your Parenting Community…wonderful women on there. I’m not sure what would have happened to me if I didn’t have these people and these things in my life.

I do not know if I would have made it. Thank you, every single person who has reached out to me, who has acknowledged me…who has spared me a gesture, a thought, a comment, a prayer, a tweet, a call or an SMS. Even if you are only reading this, I might not have been able to blog today had it not been for YOU.

I’m still alive!

Sjoe. Time for a proper entry.

Work this past week has been utter hell. It has been the most stressful week I have ever had while working for The Company and I’ve been there for almost nine years. That says a lot. I’m quite annoyed that a new product was launched and that it doesn’t quite work properly just yet. Just before Easter weekend. Are these guys nuts? Now I’ll have to go in to work tomorrow to help out as we are inundated with queries that cannot be handled by skeleton staff alone, while engineering is probably spending the weekend sipping cocktails. I was so much looking forward to having a nice long weekend, but am now forced to go and assist the staff at work. They cannot be expected to cope alone.

On a different note I now believe that you can change your life by changing your thoughts. I have nearly convinced myself that I no longer want to get pregnant. By continuously telling myself this, I am moving forward much more quickly than I could have hoped. Don’t get me wrong, my thoughts are often plagued with it and I’ve been tempted more than once to dig out my ovulation microscope ‘just to check’. I’ve also had thoughts of getting pregnant this month, despite not trying. I wouldn’t say I’m all the way there yet…but I certainly am getting there. I am really just enjoying my life and doing my best to be happy for everyone else. Oh. Speaking of which, another pregnancy announced. 3 newly pregnant women in my life. 3 pregnancies I’ll have to watch develop. I certainly need to keep my thoughts positive…otherwise I might just go mad!

My grandfather and I should be going to take some photos in and around Franshoek tomorrow. I’ll have to make a plan to upload some photos when we’re done.

My Evil Mother invited herself over to our place after church. Apparently she’s too scared to stay at my aunt’s house alone while they go out because, and I quote, ‘the predator’ might come around. This is what she’s taken to calling her husband of six months. He’s been kicked out and taken back in countless times. She really does exhaust me. Anyway, I made it clear to her that she cannot just invite herself over, even if I had said that I’m not going anywhere. Of course then the emotional blackmail routing started and she huffed off saying ‘It’s fine’. When I arrived home I received a SMS (from my aunt’s phone) that said ‘Good 4 u, u 4th commandment follower’. For those of you that don’t know, the fourth commandment says ‘Honour thy father and thy mother’. I didn’t bother to respond. What on earth did she think she was going to do here? Have tea and a chat while my aunt and uncle were out? Not likely.

I cannot honestly say I’ll be able to blog next week, we’ll have to see what the work week holds, but I pray for my own sanity that things start calming down. Immediately. I don’t think I can make it through another week like last week. Short week or not, it was terrible. I also think I’m going to stop looking forward to things. I was so excited about the short week and the long weekend, but look how it turned out. Just like I was excited about the last gynae appointment I went to with James. If you don’t get your hopes up, you can’t be disappointed.

Oh. I’m seriously considering getting another tattoo. Chinese symbols spelling out ‘James’ (or should I say ‘sounding out’). It’s going to cost around R800…I’ve got some money saved…but it’s something that can wait a while. Perhaps in November on the one year anniversary of his birth and death. I’ll be finished paying off the doctor’s bills by then as well.

I hope you all had a blessed Easter and that you did not pick up an ounce of weight from it 🙂

Good Weekend

Finally I have found some time to blog. The Company launched a new product on Friday and it is experiencing some teething problems to say the least. Of course I am working in the department that deals with the customer complaints for this specific product. I’m overjoyed. Not.

Other than that, life while not TTC (trying to conceive) is a happy time. I really feel much better and I find I am enjoying life much more without having to constrain myself all the time. Just going out and attending parties/braais (BBQ’s), not stressing about drinking a glass of wine. It truly is great. Perhaps that is why my mood is beginning to improve. May I also just say…sexy time…WOW. I forgot what that was like. I forgot how much fun it can be! OK…I didn’t *really* forget, it had just faded to the edges of my memory.

I went to go and see that girl…the one who gave birth on James’ due date. Apparently she didn’t realize. She is so nice and so sweet really. I feel bad for feeling resentful sometimes. Although, there are other aspects of her life that I am definitely not jealous of. Therein lies the balance I guess. I had to steel myself to go and see her and nearly started crying at some point during our conversation. She admits that having a newborn is extremely hard work, it all seems so overwhelming! I left her to go back to Sarah’s housewarming to further drown my sorrows (a perk of being neither pregnant nor parent)

Speaking of which…what a P.A.R.T.Y! The housewarming was awesome! Despite the fact that I was surrounded by skinny girls the whole night (really, almost all of them looked the same!) I really had a good time. Nothing like a couple of bottles of red wine and some vodka shots to throw your inhibitions out the window. Shame, Rudi was shattered. At some point he went to go sleep in the car. Poowa bebe.

We had a Chief Apostle service on Sunday morning. Our Chief Apostle serves communion for the departed souls. As I’ve mentioned before, in our religion we believe there is grace for those who have gone before us. I prayed that James would partake of communion with the other souls. It was quite emotional for me. After the communion for the departed souls was served, a young girl sang a solo. The name of the hymn was ‘I have a home’. It brought me to tears. I couldn’t help feel like it was a message for me from James. A small something to make me feel better. I’m sure there were many other people that could relate and felt comforted by this.

Nellie will be giving birth next week Tuesday. Time has flown so quickly and she’s nervous and excited. Nellie and I are both religious people. Sometimes we seem to have experiences of faith on behalf of each other. The opening hymn for our Chief Apostle service was ‘Dare to be a Daniel’ (obviously relating to the story of Daniel in the lion’s den). Nellie is naming her son Daniel. The hymns for such a service are *very* carefully selected and it seemed so apt. She was touched when I conveyed this to her. She gets it.

All in all I had a good weekend. I am so glad that I didn’t have to work with all the problems this new product has caused. Can’t wait for the long weekend!

Hard Work and Stuff

Sjoe. I worked *very* hard yesterday. We’re understaffed it seems, although the general perception seems to be that we can handle it. I leave work at 16:00 (I start at 07:00), usually I have 20 minutes or so at the end of the day to unwind, check e-mail or whatever. Yesterday I finished my work at 15:59. I really had to rush. It was horrible. I don’t really feel that each query gets the attention it needs when we’re so pressured, but hey. I’m doing the best I can!

Leebeesa is currently on holiday. She went to Holland, UK and Ireland. Yesterday she went to visit St. Patrick’s Cathedral and she wrote James’ name down in the prayer book there. That was so sweet of her. When she sent me a message to tell me about it I cried. Special.

Other than that it seems that it’s going to be another busy day at work. No time to write long blog entries today.

TGIF tomorrow…I can’t wait for my weekend off.

+/- 0kg

Another stand still week for me on the scale and I can honestly say I am relieved. I ate so many wrong things last week. I did, however, walk on Saturday and yesterday and drank my water on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Monday. I know. I must do better and I must do so immediately. I am very fortunate that I have not picked up.

Rudi won me another teddy bear at one of those claw machines:

I went into the shop and he hid it in the car and pretended he had been unsuccessful. He’s actually pretty good at it. All this really means is that the teddies I get from him usually cost R2.00. LOL.

A reader was a bit confused about one of my posts. I am not pregnant as far as I know. My cycle is due to start on Saturday. If it doesn’t start by Monday I will go for a blood test. I’ve just been feeling a little odd this month and I sincerly hope I’m not dreaming up symptoms because I will feel like an idiot. Just so you know.

Other than that work is changing a bit and I’m not sure I like where it’s going, but I need to remember that The Company looks after me really well and I shouldn’t complain. It’s so easy to take your job for granted when millions would give their left arm to have what you have.

I e-mailed a lady today that I met at the government hospital the day of the James’ last scan. We had to sit and wait for quite some time and we ended up chatting to each other. She was very sad to hear about our situation and gave me her details so that we can stay in touch. It occured to me this morning that she has no idea how things turned out. I dropped her a short e-mail and caught her up without going into too much detail. I didn’t even cry when I typed it. That is progress! I do feel that I am starting to heal. It is a slow process, but it does happen.

Sick

I’m not feeling so well today. I didn’t go in to work. I think I’m coming down with something. I feel all congested at night and nauseous during the day. No…I’m not pregnant. My readers would be amongst the first to know. I got up this morning and prepared breakfast and lunch for Rudi and I, like I do every morning…but I just didn’t feel right. I bit the bullet and phoned Jubba (something I loathe to do, although he has always been reasonable when I’ve been ill) and took a sick day.

It’s very hot today…I’ve already gone and cleaned the kitchen and put things straight and all sorts of things I should rather just leave because I’m not feeling well. Now that everything is done though I’m going to rest. Maybe it’s just all the stress at work lately. There’s been tension in the air at work for the past two weeks. For a change it’s not Jubba that’s driving me crazy. The whole department has been in shambles and trying to bail out one of the portfolios and I think everyone is feeling a little thinly spread. Management doesn’t think we’re performing at our optimum levels and decided to just pile more work on and shuffle us around. It makes complete sense from a business perspective, but we are people and sometimes companies forget about people. I must say The Company isn’t heartless and doesn’t treat us badly and pays us well. I don’t blame The Company…I just think there are some structuring issues and perhaps some strategies need to be put in place to prevent the portfolio in question from falling behind like they have again. It’s not the first time it has happened, but it always seems like it gets left till the last minute and then everyone panics.

So. I’m resting today.

I bought myself a very pretty dress yesterday. It’s officially the only one I own. I own skirts that I rarely wear, but I have no dresses. Just this one. I saw it in a mall close by quite a while ago, but they didn’t have my size. Yesterday I saw it in a different mall, in my size AND on sale. I had to get it. Rarely does a dress catch my eye, but this one did.

So last night I put on my new dress and my heels and I went to church. I felt so feminine and pretty. It’s the perfect dress for special occasions and I received lots of compliments last night.

Check out Amber’s battle scar:

Silly cat.

I just finished watching P.S. I love you. Very good movie. It just brings me back to that place where I remember that I need to appreciate what I have. It’s a beautiful movie and I would recommend you see it if you haven’t yet.

I looked at my microscope long and hard this morning and I just checked it again. I think I’m starting to see signs of ferning. Very slight, but it’s starting to show up. Rudi reckons it still looks the same, but I don’t agree. Maybe tomorrow it will be clearer and he can see.

I might have gotten myself out of fishing on Saturday with Fence and Lindor. It all depends on whether or not their partners are going with. Even if I don’t go fishing, there’s no escaping the braai (BBQ) afterwards. On Sunday apparently we’re going to Franshoek. Rudi’s brother, Derick, wants to do something for their mom and we’ve been invited, but it’s not yet confirmed. I must take my camera if we go. It’s beautiful there. I hope I’m not still feeling ill this weekend.

Tired much?

I had a rough morning. I had a little cry or two at my desk.

I’m trying to make sense of things in my head, but the more rational I try to be, the more my heart muddles up what I’m trying to achieve. I guess I’m going to need to sit down my impatient self and give myself a good talking to. Perhaps I am to learn patience. This may be the lesson life is trying to teach me.

I’m exhausted after working the weekend and cannot WAIT to get out of here. I don’t really have any more work to do, but since I’m a clock puncher I’ll have to wait the day out. Yet another thing that requires the patience that I do not have.

I’m writing this blog entry in word in order to disguise it as work. I have no idea if it is working. I’ve stuck a little work graphic at the top of the page to fool passers by who have nothing better to do than to stick their nose into my monitor.

Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.

P.S. This is my 200th post. I wish I had something more exciting to say.

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