acidicice

Tag Archives: My Evil Mother

Christmas 2013

On Christmas Eve, we put out milk and cookies for Santa. Elijah refused to eat any. ‘They are for Santa, not for us!’. He was quite pleased with himself.

image

 

And wouldn’t you know it, Santa came! On Christmas morning Elijah went to investigate if the milk and cookies had been eaten and completely missed the presents under the tree. We sent him back to check for presents and he came back saying ‘I’m amazed! He came!’

image

 

I told him that he could unwrap one present before church. Obviously, he chose the biggest one.

image

 

‘I’m so surprised!’ He loves his Hot Wheels T-Rex Take Down ūüôā

We then made our way to church. I dressed Gabby in her gorgeous Christmas tutu and matching headband that her aunty Nicola made for her.

image

 

She looked so beautiful! The tutu fabric has glitter in it and the glitter started to shed. Everywhere. Where we were sitting in church the floor was covered with silver and red glitter. Rudi, Elijah and I were also all covered with glitter. Even some of the congregation had glitter on them when we left. ¬†We all looked like Twilight cast members. I’m not even exaggerating. She has a few other tutus. I’m going to need to give them a good shake down before she wears them!

We decided to spend Christmas with my mother this year (*gasp*).  After church we quickly went home to pick up all the things we needed to take with (including all the unopened gifts) and we set off to Wellington where my mother lives. Soon my aunt, uncle and cousin arrived and we started opening gifts since Elijah could not wait any longer. He was seriously very spoiled! I thought we were going to have to hire a trailer to take all the stuff home! I had decided that Rudi and I should buy each other gifts as well since we had no gifts to open last year. I felt so out of place while everyone else was opening their gifts last time. I was so surprised to have quite a few gifts to open this year! My stepfather bought me a Foschini gift voucher. Rudi got me a gorgeous fresh water pearl necklace that I had spotted at Woolworths. My grandmother got me a white bolero cardigan, shower gel and dishcloths (she is always so practical!). My cousin and her mom bought me a gorgeous dark leather photo frame and my aunt and uncle got me a bar of Nivea soap and some white and purple hand towels. The kids got clothes and toys. Rudi got aftershave (surprise!), an ashtray, chocolate and a bottle of rum.

With the assistance of Sanita’s supplies and Pinterest, I laid the table for lunch.

image

image

 

I adore this idea of the glasses with the decorations and candles! It looked so pretty!

And of course my nails matched the occasion:

image

image

 

Even though Elijah got loads of toys for Christmas, he decided that Christmas decorations are much more fun to play with.

image

 

Gabby, however, adored her new (very expensive) sippy cup.

image

 

We had a lovely day. I even managed to catch a nap on the couch after lunch! It was very hot and later in the evening when the owner of the guesthouse and her family were done eating and swimming (almost 7 PM) we were allowed to go down to the pool to swim. We had been sitting in the heat all day and grabbed the opportunity to go for a quick dip. Once everyone had dried off and changed back into dry clothes, we packed up and headed home. I was designated driver and managed to navigate home in the dark. We only arrived home around 9 PM. Much later than I had expected.

I worked on the Day of Goodwill (Boxing Day), but finished up by 1 PM and went home. Rudi wanted to go grocery shopping, which we eventually did. It was the worst idea in the history of the world. Elijah threw the most epic tantrum EVER in the shops. I was so embarrassed. I tried everything (except giving in to him). We were stuck in an aisle for about 20 minutes with a wailing child. ¬†After racing through the last few aisles in the shop we went to pay. Luckily there were no queues. Despite that the very loud tantrum continued and then Gabby started as well. I was at my wits end! I decided to remove myself and the children from the mall to avoid further embarrassment and for the sake of the other shoppers and staff. Rudi said he overheard someone say ‘Shoo. Two children!’ At one point while I was trying to escape with them, Elijah mistook another women’s legs for mine and was clinging to her. She was quite surprised and so was he when he finally decided to look up! One of the points of contention was some kiddie rides that were in the mall that he wanted to go on. We told him he could go after shopping if he was good, but he acted up and we told him the rides were no longer an option. We had to pass said rides on the way to the car and I feared the worst. ¬†We somehow managed to get past the rides without stopping and I finally got the kids into the car. They were both crying at this point and I decided to drive around till Rudi came with the groceries, this at least calmed Gabby down. I drive less than 100 metres and both kids were fast asleep. Clearly they were both overtired. By that time I needed a drink! ¬†What a day!

I hope you all had a lovely, safe Christmas ūüôā

Photos From The Weekend

As promised, our photo from the family fun day at Ratanga Junction. Babyice looks so awkward!

 

image

 

This weekend Babyice wrote and posted his letter to Santa. He was so excited! It read:

Dear Santa, My name is Babyice. I am almost 4! I have been a good boy. I hope I am on your nice list. For Christmas can I please have a car with a control that drives by itself and crashes.

Love Babyice

 

Luckily I remembered to take pictures!

 

image

 

We also went to visit my mother this weekend. We took my grandmother through to see her and picked up a ton of clothes she had acquired for PrincessIce. The guest house where they are staying is also a wedding venue. It is really beautiful there. There are rolling lawns and beautiful gardens as well as a pool. We’ve decided to spend Christmas there since it is so gorgeous and has plenty of space for the kids to play and also to swim if we want. I snapped some pics:

image

Wire heart as part of the wedding decor

image

Rose petals for the bride and groom

image

Rudi and PrincessIce in the arch

 

On Thursday last week Babyice was sick. He started vomiting in his bed after he went to sleep and continued throughout the night. He stayed home with Rudi on Friday who was also booked off for a back injury. He was running fevers on Friday. Saturday night Rudi started feeling ill and also spent a lot of time hung over the toilet. He too was running temps yesterday! I think they both got a tummy bug! Seems to be a 24 hour thing though as they are both feeling much better today. Babyice has a low grade fever and is complaining of sore ears, but no alarm bells yet. I woke up with a sore throat and ears myself and I’m still very sore from my procedure last week. Really hoping to catch a break and that everyone is healthy soon!

My Evil Mother’s 50th

We set off as early as we could. We cleaned our house and got the kids ready to leave. We still only ended up leaving around 11 ‘o clock. Getting things done and getting out of the house certainly takes a lot longer when you have kids in tow. We also had to go back up twice to feed the cat and open her window, because we forgot. Eventually we were on our way and traveled to my mother’s place without incident.

 

Once we had arrived there my mother was allowed to open her gifts. Her husband had forbade her to do so until we were there for some reason. She opened her gifts and didn’t get anything very spectacular. Apparently the lady that they live by chose the gifts from her husband. My mother says she likes to take over. She chose (on her husband’s behalf) an Avon fragrance my mother doesn’t like and a salad dressing set with decanters for oil/vinegar and salt and pepper shakers. She bought my mother make up – something my mother has rarely bothered with. She looks really nice when she does wear it though, so I hope she puts it on sometime. Some eye shadow, mascara and a lipstick. My grandmother bought her a towel bale and I bought her some shower gels and a mesh sponge. She seemed pleased. I’m not sure if she faked it, but if she didn’t she liked her gifts.

 

PrincessIce was the belle of the ball and Babyice got loads of attention the weekend too. My mother also catered especially for us, getting special meals for us to enjoy. When we arrived there we were already hungry. She had organized a quiche from a place called Red Pepper Mill. It contained peppers, peppadew and mushrooms. It was the best quiche I have ever had in my entire life. I think I had like 3 pieces. She had also bought some breads which we had with the quiche. After that she felt like having a lie down and I decided I would have a nap with PrincessIce as well. Imagine that! A nap – for ME! This was around 2:30. At 5 ‘o clock Rudi came to ask me if I was going to sleep all day. What a lovely nap!

 

My mother had made pavlova (as it is my favourite dessert). I helped her dress it with the strawberries, cream and nougat. It was TO DIE FOR! I ate two big pieces. Too much actually, I kind of felt sick afterwards. Oops. She had also made a lasagne for dinner, but I couldn’t face any more food for the rest of the day, so we didn’t end up eating it.

 

Strawberry Filling

Strawberry Filling

Topped with cream and nougat

Topped with cream and nougat

 

 

Later that evening Babyice fell asleep on Rudi’s lap and PrincessIce was showing signs of being tired. We decided it was time to retire to our room. Our room was really lovely. It had an air conditioner, so our room was nice and toasty. There was winter linen on the bed and a gorgeous bath in the bathroom. We got the honeymoon suite since we needed a big bed to fit the whole family. The bed still wasn’t big enough, but there was a couch in the room, so we moved the couch against the bed so Babyice could sleep next to us.

 

What a bath!

What a bath!

PrincessIce trying out the bed

PrincessIce trying out the bed

Butterfly Winter Linen

Butterfly Winter Linen

 

Our accommodations were lovely. It was almost like a weekend away, even though we only stayed over one night. Rudi said he was going to have one more drink. I dozed off and woke up much later and he wasn’t back yet. I went to go look for him at my mother’s place, which looked locked up. Our car was still there. My mother didn’t answer the door as she was working with her earphones in, but eventually she heard me pounding on the door and opened up. Turned out her husband and Rudi went to go and explore the local pubs. They walked since they weren’t too far away. Made me so mad! If Babyice wakes up looking for his father and he isn’t there, there is hell to pay! A half an hour and a few phone calls later he was back and we all crept into bed.

 

The next morning Rudi made us some scrambled egg on toast for breakfast. My mother wanted to go back to bed. She obviously isn’t one for early mornings anymore. With that we decided to pack up and go home. No point in sticking around if your hosts are hiding out. Her husband accidentally ran into me and ducked into the room till after we left. I think he was under the impression I was cross with him for taking Rudi out the night before, so he cowered in the room. Told my mother to tell us goodbye. How bloody rude! I don’t really care at all, but it is still bad manners!

 

My mother seemed to have enjoyed her birthday and having us there. They were tickled pink with Babyice and his antics. Even suggested ‘timeshare’ with him. Um. No.¬†All in all, everyone was on their best behaviour and it wasn’t unpleasant. We actually had a nice time. We even got some chocolate chiffon cake and lasagna to take home. I should keep my expectations low more often ūüôā

 

If there was a party, I missed it. Her husband mumbled something about it being a logistical nightmare since the staff at the place had all taken off for the weekend as the boss has gone overseas and there were no other functions booked. I think the crux of the matter was that he couldn’t find anyone to invite. When he said he couldn’t pull anything together my mother remarked ‘It’s not as if my family would of come anyway’. I must be chopped liver.

 

 

My Evil Mother turns 50

…this Saturday. Of course this has resulted in me being guilted into spending the day/weekend with her. The guilt trip started early. The last time we went to go visit her a couple of months ago. I’m not sure if I blogged about it or not. Probably not since I was still on maternity leave when that happened. We finally made the trek out to Wellington where she is staying after much nagging and guilt flinging from her. Reluctantly, I went. I never look forward to these trips/seeing her. Even when we speak on the phone I don’t have much to say to her and barely tolerate listening to her because ¬†she is mostly¬†telling lies about something or other. I don’t really believe anything she says, so listening to words come out of her mouth is really a waste of time for me. I once tried to sort the truth from the bullshit and nothing fell through the sieve, so I gave up. It’s very much a smile and nod situation with her. I’m basically placating her.

 

Having a psychopath for a mother? Not so great. Calling her a psychopath might seem harsh to some, but she really does have all the personality traits of one. I know the first thing a person thinks of when they hear the word ‘psychopath’ is ‘serial killer’, but that really isn’t fair. There are many psychopaths living in our society who lead perfectly murder-free lives. You probably know one or might even be related to one without realizing it. Apparently lawyers and CEOs are often psychopaths. It explains a lot. My mother hits almost every one of the personality traits on the head, she’d score high on one of the tests online. I’ve taken one for her. She doesn’t kill people…well, not violently anyway. Slowly. She kills their spirit and then preys on them while they are weak, discarding them at will once they have lost their usefulness. ¬†The biggest tell is her lack of remorse. I digress.

 

She turns 50 this weekend and wants us to come and celebrate with her. She has called me and asked me what we want to eat and whether she can get anything specific for the kids. She is like a kid before Christmas. She can be so very juvenile. It is something I never realized, but now that I am no longer juvenile myself it is easier to see. At some point her husband was trying to organize a party for her. He called me to ask me to invite people, but I never heard from him again after asking him to forward me the details to pass on. Shame. I guess there won’t be a party. I sort of feel sorry for her on the one hand, but on the other, I don’t. You know how your kid’s 21st birthday is supposed to be a big deal? Mine wasn’t. Not even a little bit. I got a cooked Sunday lunch and a home made cake. I suppose that sounds very ungrateful, some people have nothing. My grandmother was involved in the cooking and so forth. I don’t think I got a gift from her either. This transpired during a time they were taking their friends out for dinner regularly and other lavish purchases were made. So for me, there was no interest in making it a special birthday for me. It wasn’t for lack of funds, or due to circumstances. It was simply a lack of interest. Rudi and I were together at the time and my mother’s jealousy of our relationship had already manifested and reared its ugly head. Again, I digress.

 

So we’re heading over there this weekend. She wants us to stay over for the night. They are living in a guest house type of place. The owner of the guest house took pity on them when they had no place to stay and they have been leeching there ever since. Apparently they help out there in some or other way. It seems to be a semi-permanent arrangement since they have been staying there for a while. I have been asked to lie about her past or about events to benefit them or to further pull the wool over this women’s eyes. Although I have met her, I haven’t found it necessary to lie to her and do not plan to do so. Just the other day my mother said if someone asks where she is I should tell them I do not know. I told her in no uncertain terms that I am not prepared to lie for her or cover her tracks. I am already annoyed that I am receiving e-mails at my work e-mail address from lawyers looking for her in connection with unsettled debts. Not least of which are with my own employer! I contacted them to tell them that their communication is not reaching the intended recipient and supplied her contact number, but the e-mails keep coming. She has apparently arranged a room for us to stay over in. I told her we couldn’t take a room with anything less than a king size bed so that we could all sleep together. PrincessIce sleeps with us anyway and Babyice probably wouldn’t sleep on his own in a strange place. I’m in two minds about staying over though. Who knows? We might get stuck with a bill for the room. I can’t be naive when it comes to my mother. I don’t know what to think. It’s about an hour’s drive out there and it won’t be too bad to make the trip both ways in a day (which is what we did last time), but if Rudi decides to have a few drinks it might be better to stay. Yes, I could drive…but I really don’t like driving long distances. I also don’t feel like packing a whole lot of stuff just to stay overnight. We’d all need pyjamas and outfits for the next day and toiletries. Is it really worth all the trouble? I don’t know. The nice thing about going there is that they have large lawns and places for Babyice to play. He’ll have fun at least.

 

I’ll post about how the weekend goes.

 

She asked my grandmother to get her a Bauer pan as a gift. Suggested my aunt could add money. My grandmother discovered the smallest pan costs a whopping R600. She got her a towel bale instead. When I asked my mother what I could get for her she said ‘Oh, you’re getting me a cell phone’. O.o I said ‘Excuse me?! I have two kids and barely two cents to rub together, you ain’t getting no cell phone!’. She laughed as if I had made the funniest joke. She wants an expensive one with Whatsapp and other bells and whistles too. Bugger that. When I asked her again on another occasion, advising her I do not have money (which is the truth) she said I could get her some shower gel or something. Sorted.

 

Now to plan a mani…

My Evil Mother behaves a bit

So on Tuesday My Evil Mother made another appearance. I got a message from Rudi that she was going to call me and that I should answer because she just wanted to congratulate me. I figured my grandmother must of told her that we’re pregnant. I let the phone ring, unsure of whether I should pick it up. A daughter answering a call from her mother really shouldn’t be this difficult. I answered. She congratulated me and said she was excited and asked how we were. She then started talking about leaving her husband and getting her act together. This is usually the point where I switch off. I’ve heard it all before and usually they are just empty words. I was getting emotional on the phone (damn pregnancy hormones!) so I asked her to rather e-mail me the next day and that we could talk. Here is what transpired. Her e-mails are in blue and mine in purple:

 

Morning

 

 Hope you are well. I have missed you sooo much and am overjoyed that I

could at least speak to you yesterday. Always remember that you are

the only child I will ever have and I would like to be your mother.

 

 I am so happy for you and Rudi re your pregnancy. Babyice will be the head

 of the family children and I am sure will fulfill his role. How is he doing?

 Has he started giving you grey hairs yet? I miss him so much. I have

 his photo on my desk and look at it all the time. I would just also

¬†like to have a photo of you and Rudi to put next to Babyice’s.

 

¬†I don’t know whether you will allow me to see you guys sometime and if

 so, when could I see you.

 

 Remember that I love you endlessly.

 

 Love

 Mommy

 

Hi Ma

 

I’ve been very sad about you lately. I really miss all the good things about you and spending time with you, but the bad starting overtaking the good so much that it was unbearable. I would like to have a relationship with you again, but for that I need to be able to trust you. I think I will only be able to trust you after you have proven that you really have changed. Talk is cheap. You need to take action and you need to do it by yourself. Once you have started standing on your own two feet and removed yourself from the situation you have gotten yourself into, we can start to work on moving forward.

 

People really misunderstand the reason I am not talking to you. I think that includes you. I cannot bear to see how you have thrown your life away and then be made to feel guilty because I cannot fix it for you. In recent years most contact that I have had with you has led to tears, guilt and fights. I really do not need all those negative things around me and my family. I need to protect myself and them. I can only be a good wife and mother if I am healthy, emotionally and physically.

 

I hope that you will finally start to make the right decisions and to uplift yourself. I hope that you will pull yourself through and not rely on anyone else to fix the mess you have created. You CAN do it. You just have to want it badly enough.

 

I promise you, if you sort yourself out and get your life back on track, you will get your family back. Once you have sorted yourself out and no longer burden everyone else with your problems, everything will change. I honestly hope that you will do this. We all miss you, but at the moment we are afraid to let you into our lives because it always ends up costing us something and none of us can afford it, whether it is a financial or emotional toll.

 

Thank you for the congratulations. We are very excited and a little nervous about the new addition. Especially since we know how much hard work it is and how expensive it is. I will be trying to remain calm and eliminate as much stress from my daily life as possible with this pregnancy, as I needed to do with Babyice. I am also especially happy for Babyice. Like you said yesterday, I know what it is like to grow up alone and I never wanted that for him.

 

I have attached a picture of the 3 of us for you.

 

Wishing you all the best…and success in picking yourself up.

 

That was a tear jerker.

 

I hear what you are saying and that is exactly what I am doing now. I plan to leave the a-hole as soon as I get paid. I need to find a place, but don’t know where to look. I am going to look on gumtree for a start. Please pray that there is something for me there.

 

I am going to rent a car from uncle Joe for now. I need to have worked at one company for three months before I can buy a car.

 

I went for the 2nd interview at L yesterday and am waiting for Marc to mail me my letter of appointment. I am very excited because that is going to assist me in my moving on.

 

How long will I have to wait to see you guys?

 

Love

Mommy

X

 

I think gumtree is your best bet. Keep looking every day. Persist until you succeed. Never give up.

We can continue to talk and when I feel ready I will let you know. Really miss your cooking too.

I am excited that there may be a future for us. I am hopeful that you will turn it all around x

 

I suppose we can just hope for the best. I think I might be particularly vulnerable at the moment, but I most certainly am not stupid. I will keep my distance until she has made drastic improvements  in her life. I am not unreasonable. I just want to protect myself and my family. I try to encourage her and that is as much as I can do.

Return of MEM

So, it’s been a while since she has made an appearance, but it reared it’s ugly head again last week.¬†Tuesday last week my grandmother decided to call up My Evil Mother. I asked her why she did this since I know that any contact with MEM will result in what it always results in.¬†On Thursday¬†I get a call from my grandmother ‘You’re going to be very cross with me’. My automatic response? ‘How much did you give her?’. Apparently MEM’s husband called my grandmother from work¬†saying my mother is ill and needs to go to the doctor because and he needs to borrow *cough* bullshit *cough* money. My grandmother told him she didn’t really have any money, but could give him R50.00. While she is on the phone telling me this, her land line rings and she ends the call with me. Two minutes later I get another call from my grandmother. She had just spoken to my aunt who says that MEM and her husband had just been to my uncle’s place of work asking for money. He sent them on their way. In case you didn’t catch it, MEM’s husband lied about calling from work when he spoke to my grandmother. So my grandmother called them and said she can no longer help and put the phone down.

 

Friday morning at about 08:30 my phone rings, it’s my grandmother. I still remember remarking to my colleauge next to me while the phone was ringing¬†that it was very early in the morning for this type of call. My grandmother is crying and upset. She says my uncle told her that MEM looks like my grandfather did before he died. She’s lost even more weight, her hair is falling out and she is shaking (she has been shaking for quite some time now and didn’t have much hair to begin with). This in turn, upset me. Despite what people may think, I don’t feel absolutely nothing for MEM and if she had to die I would probably feel guilty about it for the rest of my life.¬† I spent the next hour crying in the loo at work and then in front of a friend/colleague who intercepted me and took me to an empty boardroom. This is a very difficult situation. I am the ‘most sensible’ and ‘strongest’ in the family, so whenever a situation or even a SMS pops up from her I am immediately notified and pulled into it. I think this is also why MEM so often blames me for estranging the family from her or turning them against her. Of course her actions have nothing to do with it.

 

I can see no way to help her. Giving her money will not help. We’ve all learnt that very expensive lesson. I am not even sure that buying her food will help, because I am not sure that her abusive husband and his mother will even give her any of the food. Nobody in the family is in the position to give her refuge as nobody has space. The last time she was sheltered by my aunt and uncle her husband moved in as well and they sponged off them and lived rent and cost free for almost two years. It also almost cost¬†my aunt and uncle¬†their marriage and their child had no room to stay in while they lived there.

 

MEM is toxic. If you involve her in your life she will most certainly drain you emotionally and financially until nothing remains. If you get involved in her life she will attempt to do the same. I am at my wits end with the situation. I cannot protect her and will not negate the quality of life of my family to enable her further. That being said, I also don’t want her to die due to starvation/neglect/drugs/abuse.¬† The last time my grandmother got MEM into a place of refuge for abused women, she was uncooperative with the people¬†there and went back to her husband.¬†¬†What do I do?! I can’t see a way out. I simply know this will hound me to the grave. I feel powerless.

 

So here I am again. Stuck between a rock and a hard place with no way out. I don’t know what on earth I did to deserve this. I have nobody to support me when things go pear shaped. I don’t have anyone I could even borrow money from if I needed it to put clothes on my child’s back. I have to make do with what I have and cling to my work and my family. I am responsible. I don’t squander money and make debt I cannot repay. Why am I being punished?

Christmas 2011

Christmas this year was okay. As per tradition my family came over on Christmas Eve to socialize a little and unwrap gifts. I’m not sure why we still decided to do this, despite us all being together again on Christmas day.¬† We decided to make boerewors rolls since Rudi insisted on making a fire. We all know how our cavemen love a good fire ūüėČ

 

 

Anyway, everyone came over and shortly after everyone had arrived Babyice picked up a gift, brought it to me and said ‘Open?’. We decided there was no use delaying it and allowed him to start unwrapping gifts. Sometimes he requested a little help getting started. He wasn’t quite sure where to tear at the paper when it was all completely wrapped up, but once you got a little tear in there he knew exactly what to do. Sometimes he would tear and a tiny piece of paper would come off, prompting us to jeer about being there till next year. He also insisted on unwrapping ALL the gifts, even those intended for Rudi’s parents who we would only see the next day. He actually did get bored of all the unwrapping, which was a bit unfortunate as I was saving the Barney stuffed animal Nellie sent him from Port Elizabeth for last. I eventually managed to convince him to unwrap it and he was very pleased with the contents ūüėÄ He is so very cute when unwrapping gifts. I’m not sure where he observed this, but he’ll tear at the paper and once whatever is inside has been partially revealed he will look up, make his mouth into a perfect little “O” and gasp. It is too cute to behold ūüôā

 

I finished preparing the trifle for Christmas Day while the family was visiting. I made a huge trifle which took up an entire shelf in the fridge. The last time I made a trifle it didn’t turn out so well. I had put sherry in the sponge cake and it was very overpowering. I didn’t like it. I decided to skip the sherry this year though and set the jelly in the sponge cake. We attended church the next morning and went home to fetch the trifle and potato salad I had made. I had only gotten around to making the potato salad in the morning before church since I was wiped out the night before from having the family over. It was just as well though since there wasn’t space for it in the fridge. We all gathered at the in laws for our Christmas lunch. We had planned to have a spit braai, but because there weren’t enough people coming to justify and entire lamb, we changed the plans to a regular braai. My grandmother had mentioned that she really felt like leg of lamb and roast potatoes, so my mother in law made that AND two chickens. The braai just wasn’t happening fast enough and everybody was hungry, so we ended up eating the leg of lamb and chicken with the salads for lunch.

 

 

The pool at the in law’s had packed up about 3 weeks before Christmas. Rudi had spent a few evenings there trying to fix it. 3 pool pumps and 3 weeks later the pool still wasn’t fixed. I was quite annoyed since part of the reason we decided to have Christmas at the in laws was because they have a pool and it would probably be good swimming weather. The water was still green on Christmas day, although slightly better than it had been. The kids decided they didn’t care and dove in. Of course Babyice also wanted to swim and Rudi got in with him and later my mother in law. I wouldn’t have wanted to swim in the green water (if I cannot see through it, I won’t get into it) and was fortunate enough to have a female excuse as to why I could not swim. After the swimming activities Babyice came out of the pool with blue lips and shivering like it was -10 degrees. Shame. I quickly peeled off his wet costume and dressed him and he was a happy chap again soon.

 

 

The boys eventually got their bums into gear and got the braai going, which resulted in a second lunch/early dinner. I just had the the steak that we brought for the braai with some Ina Paarman cheese sauce. It was very yum! My trifle was absolutely delicious! It tasted precisely like my grandmother’s always used to. The trifle was *huge* and it was practically polished:

 

 

Strawberry jam and jelly set into the sponge

 

 

Ta da!

 

All in all we had a nice day. No fights, no drama. This was probably because I completely ignored requests from My Evil Mother this year. She enquired where we would be and what we would be doing. I ignored her. She then started guilt tripping me, I ignored her. It seems I have accidentally deleted her messages. They were scripted along the lines of ‘If your Oupa was still here you would not be treating me this way. You have green corn on your fields and you are preventing me from loving him’ blah blah blah. To be honest, I did feel guilty. I do not, however, think she would have added any value or Christmas cheer to our day. In fact, she would probably have made it awkward and difficult for everyone. I meant to wish her for Christmas all day, but it would seem I had gotten so used to ignoring her and putting her out of my mind that I completely forgot. Then I felt guilty about that. She did wish my grandmother via SMS, but not me. Perhaps I shouldn’t feel guilty. I don’t know. Whatever.

 

 

Even though we had a nice day, I was quite sad during the course of the morning. I missed my Oupa and wished he was there still. Babyice was riding around on the black bike he bought him for his very first Christmas. At least he got to enjoy the ‘real’ party.

 

 

Unfortunately the Christmas pictures are on my ‘proper’ camera and I still need to download them. I will try to do this soon, but it probably won’t be before we come back from our holiday next week.

 

 

The Purchase

When Rudi and I first moved in together I had a 54cm standard TV. This suited me just fine, but after a few years Rudi started hankering to get a flat screen TV. A bigger TV. I said no for quite some time. Then one day after we had voted in the elections and were wandering around the mall, for some reason I relented. We bought a 32 inch LG flat screen TV. We financed it on my credit card’s budget facility over two years. My condition at the time was that Rudi pay the yearly TV license fee since I was paying for half of the TV I didn’t want. We got the TV and everyone was happy.

 

Fast forward about two and a half years. Rudi starts pestering me for *another* TV. A *bigger* TV. Every time a store had ‘crazy specials’¬† he would start bugging me and get pissed off every time I said no. After digging myself out of the debt My Evil Mother made on my name I am careful with money and even have a nice little nest egg for emergencies.

 

Recently a new Game store opened at a mall near us. People queued overnight for the opening specials. A select few customers (the first 20 or so) got vouchers and discounts that were amazing. Again Rudi started to harp on it. He even gave me the silent treatment this time for saying no. My argument being that we recently bought a new TV that there is nothing wrong with and it is a very unnecessary expense. When we visited Boogaloo a few weeks ago and saw his TV (he has a 32 inch LED 200 Hz Sony Bravia TV),¬† the picture was amazing.¬† We discussed the benefits and specs of the TV and they spoke about how important the Hz (or refresh rate) is on a TV and what a big difference it makes. A colleague at work opened up the brochure for the opening specials of the store and I spotted a 51 inch TV with a 600 Hz refresh rate. 600 Hz! I was impressed. If the picture on the 32 inch with 200 Hz was so impressive, the 600 Hz must be incredible. So I played with the idea. I called Rudi up and said to him that we can buy the TV on condition we pay half cash with our bonuses and don’t get each other Christmas gifts. He quickly agreed. He made some calls to find stock and that very day we went to the store to purchase the TV.

 

When we got to the store on Thursday it was a mad house. There was barely space to walk with all the people there taking advantage of the specials. We spotted numerous trolleys bearing large boxes with TVs. We verified our TV license, asked a few questions about the TV and they went to fetch us one of the last 3 remaining TVs. The store had tiled an entire wall with flat screen TVs (literally tiled, they were all mounted side by side playing the same channel) and we could compare the picture of the TV we wanted to buy with the other TVs. The picture was really good and we decided to buy it. The price on the tag said R6999.00, but the brochure had said R5999.00. We queried this and the salesman said he would ‘give it to us for R5999.00’ and that the deal included a HD PVR satellite decoder. Bonus! I thought we could sell the decoder (retails for around R1499.00) and put that money back into the TV too. At the till they stuffed up putting the transaction through on my credit card and I held up the entire queue while phoning the bank. It was quite embarrassing, but the lady that assisted me over the phone was phenomenal and sorted it out immediately. Luckily it didn’t take too long. When we got to the parking lot we attempted to load the TV into the car. It wouldn’t fit. Fail. Epic fail. We tried flattening the seats, removing the car seat and pushing the front seats forward. No luck. I wasn’t willing to remove the TV from the box to transport it. Eventually we phoned a friend of ours that has a bakkie and asked him to help us. Luckily he was willing and available!

 

We went home with our new TV. Quite happy! We set it up immediately. We don’t really watch too much regular TV, most of the stuff we watch is on my hard drive. Babyice couldn’t believe how big Barney is and ran up to the screen touching it saying ‘Barney! Barney!’. On Saturday I watched a bit of TV and noticed that the picture quality SUCKED. When the people would move in the picture there would be a blur, almost as if you could still see the previous frames. I was pissed! 600Hz refresh rate? My bum! The refresh rate is supposed to prevent exactly that! We were on our way somewhere so I left it. Last night while watching a soapie, it was so unbearable that I actually went to go and watch it on our 32 inch in the bedroom where Rudi and a friend had set it up over the weekend. The picture was just terrible! The blur was *really* bad. Of course my first recourse was to bitch about it on Twitter. Saying things like ‘I paid R6000.00 for a TV I can’t bear to watch!’. I was so disappointed. Buyers remorse to the max.

 

Enter HoneyZA and her husband. She asked me for the model number of the TV (it’s a 51 inch Samsung Plasma by the way). Her husband did some research and found the problem. It’s not the TV! The problem is that our national broadcaster still broadcasts with analogue signal and analogue signal sucks on big TVs! The HDMI channel works fine, I hadn’t picked up any problems with that. Then I clicked. Perhaps the decoder came free with the TV because it’s impossible to watch regular TV without it! So we’re keeping the decoder and subscribing to the public access channels for R20/month. We’re still working out the details of this since we didn’t get an actual dish with the decoder and we’re not sure if our complex already has satellite connections or if we’re meant to do our own installation. I e-mailed the landlady this morning and am waiting for her to reply.

 

I’m just really happy and relieved that it isn’t the actual TV. Come to think of it the channel they had playing in the store was a satellite channel. I would have been really upset since I quite like the new TV that I didn’t want and didn’t want to go through the effort of battling the store for an exchange or a refund.

 

So a big thank you to HoneyZa and her husband for helping us out!

 

New TV

Too Good To Be True

My Evil Mother has been at it again. Actually…she never stopped, but she is out in full force. Just two weeks ago she swindled about two grand out of my grandmother. She basically made her go out and buy groceries for their household. After that my grandmother swore she was done with her. She took the dud bank card My Evil Mother gave her (with promises of money coming and she could then freely draw whatever she loaned her), put it in an envelope with R100.00 and posted it to her with a letter telling her she is ‘Letting go and letting God’. My Evil Mother continued to bombard her with SMS messages saying things like ‘I’m hungry’. The manipulative bitch. Would you let your child starve? Anyway. She must. She must starve. She is almost 50 years old for Pete’s sake! When is she going to look after her damn self?

 

She then received the envelope with the bank card, but claims the money was stolen. She then told my grandmother that she was going to make a case at the police station and that they would probably have to go to the old age home where she is staying to get her fingerprints. My grandmother was so terrified that she might be kicked out of the old age home that she gave her another R100.00! She is the biggest sucker under the sun. Although, My Evil Mother can be loving to threaten people. In fact, if she ever came across this here blog, she would most definitely threaten me with a law suit. Most likely for slander. Pffft. She can kiss my ass.

 

She has now apparently come clean to my grandmother saying she loves Coke Head and that she wants to be with him. They are supposedly going up to Kimberley together. She sent me a message the other day saying ‘I’m going to Kimberley on Wednesday. Now you are rid of me.’ I was tempted to reply with¬† a ‘Good riddance’, but know better. When you engage her it just spurs her on and she can be one nasty piece of work. She spits venom that one. I do, however, think I’ll send her a message on Wednesday saying ‘Safe travels x’. I won’t include the ‘won’t miss you’ part. Personally, I don’t believe that she is going far far away. Even if she does, it won’t really make much of a difference. Even when she was in Bloemfontein when I was a little girl she wrote letters with promises to change and requests for money. The only difference would be that she couldn’t show up at your door. That is a blessing in itself though. My grandmother is so afraid that she will come there and make a scene and endanger her stay there. She had to go down to security with a photo and ask them not to allow her in. Apparently if she becomes a bother she needs to get a restraining order.

 

What kind of daughter does that? Exploits you, sucks you dry, lies to you, threatens you, SCARES you? That is My Evil Mother. Good riddance!

 

Babyice seems a bit sick at the moment. We’re taking him to the doctor this afternoon. It’s probably just a chest infection. Same old, same old. We’re old hat at this already. In my next post I *must* tell you about our latest extravagance…

Leopards don’t change their spots

A liar is a thief and a thief is a murderer – Unknown



I’m not sure who originally said that, but they were right. My grandmother has told me this for years. I never thought it to be true, until now. How can someone who lies, end up to be a murderer? Apparently they can.


For years now we’ve known that My Evil Mother is a pathalogical liar. We’ve seen it in her behaviour and we’ve experienced it dealing with her. She lies about everything. She steals…and she lies about stealing.


I had to blog this out today. It was upsetting me and I needed to get it off my chest. The list of her transgressions is growing and becoming more and more difficult to ignore and “forgive”. I still don’t see the sense in “forgetting” after forgiving if you know the person you are forgiving will just do it again…and again and again. My grandfather hasn’t even been gone for three months yet and she has set to work on my grandmother in a big way.


Sherbet. I don’t even know where to start. She has held down a job for about a year now. An achievement for her, to say the least. The fact that she has a job is supposed to be a great comfort to the family, this means she has some way of providing for herself, right? For about a year now she has been begging/pleading/attempting to manipulate someone to give her a place to live so that she can get away from her abusive husband. Despite us finding her places to live, her excuse was always that she needed a car to get to work. If she didn’t have a car, she would surely lose her job (no public transport for her).


After my grandfather passed away, my grandmother used her inheritance to purchase herself a second hand car and returned the car they had been using for the past few years to my uncle. My uncle then decided to sell his car and use the one he had gotten back (the body was in really poor condition, but my grandfather had spent a lot of money getting the engine to run well). My mother pounced on the “available” car, seeing it as an opportunity to ‘escape her circumstances’. Somehow she convinced my grandmother to loan her the money (R12 000) to buy the car from my uncle as my uncle didn’t trust her to pay him monthly. Both her and my grandmother lied to me about how she managed to purchase the car. After I found out, My Evil Mother insisted that my grandmother had done this to “give” my uncle and aunt the money. My grandmother also “loaned” her R3 000 to pay a deposit and a month’s rent on a room she had found. The very same day she bought the car, something went wrong with it and it needed work. Another R1 000 my grandmother forked out. Then she needed to get her license replaced, a license for the car, etc. Another R500 from my grandmother. R16 500 so far. This is only the money that I know about. The agreement was that she would pay my grandmother R2 000 a month.


She convinced my grandmother to open a bank account on her name, after I refused. When she was asking me to open the account I was promised that I could keep the bank card, etc. Does she think I’m stupid? I would need to run up and down for her everytime she needed money? No thanks. My grandmother opens the account for her…and she insists on having the bank card. Fishy to say the least. Apparently the bank won’t allow her to open her own bank account unless she pays back the bank fees she owes them (under R1 000 according to her). This has still not been done and my grandmother still has this bank account in her name. My grandmother also receives all the notifications when My Evil Mother uses the account.


At the end of January, My Evil Mother paid my grandmother the R2 000 as agreed. Hallelujah, everyone is notified and must now sing her praises. She now has R7 in her bank account. This after trips to restaurants, beauty salons and heaven knows where else. She asked me to lend money last night, I told her to shove off (She was at my house baking cupcakes for Babyice’s birthday party). I also confiscated my grandmother’s bank card so that she would not be able to give her money without going through me.


My grandmother is worried SICK. Literally. My grandmother has stomach ulcers, back problems, heart problems and is still very much mourning my grandfather. She sees My Evil Mother only has R7 left for the rest of the month and KNOWS that she will come knocking on her door to try and get her through the month. That aside she has been telling my grandmother that she has “borrowed” (read: STOLEN) money from the petty cash at work and needs to replace it before anyone notices, she’ll lose her job if she doesn’t. She has also been saying that she had to borrow money from loan sharks while she was living with her husband and they are now calling her at work…she’s going to lose her job.


She comes to me with stories about how she was at karaoke the other evening and has met a man. He called her while she was at my house last night and she SQUEALED like a 16 year old girl ‘He called ME!’. This embodies what she is like. She is like a child. It’s how she lives. Flits from man to man like an irresponsible teenager that doesn’t know any better. Actions without consequence. Her parents will bail her out. It seems her and this woman (who she met in a pub) are hanging out in bars and casinos every night. This is such utter bullshit.


My grandparents have both told me that they feel the stress and worry My Evil Mother have caused in their lives contributed to my grandfather’s cancer. They both feel that it influenced/fueled his disease which eventually led to his death. It seems my grandmother is next in line. She repeatedly tells me while in tears that My Evil Mother is killing her. She can’t sleep, she comfort eats and it is negatively affecting her health. I don’t know how long she will last at this rate.


So…that’s how I get to murder. One by one she is picking them off. I know my grandmother is enabling her and allows this abuse to continue. I wish I could illustrate how manipulative she is. How her emotional blackmail WORKS. How she pushes your buttons exactly right to make you cave. She has been doing this all her life and she has mastered the art.


I feel powerless to stop it. I don’t know how I can help. I don’t know WHAT to do. I don’t want to lose my Ouma as well, but I cannot babysit everyone.

Post Navigation