acidicice

Tag Archives: Doctors

Kicking the Antibiotics

Early last month I posted about trying to get my children off what felt like constant antibiotic use. The post was well received and I was happy to see I wasn’t the only one worried about this. I realize that the weather is starting to warm up and that means less illness, but it is allergy season which has meant illness and infections for us in the past.

Since that post was published I have not taken the kids to the doctor once. They have had the snots, coughs, pukes and fevers since then…but never seemed limp and unable to play, so I held out and they recovered on their own. I still make use of over the counter medication and the kids are both taking an antihistamine to try and prevent allergy related post nasal drips which become monster coughs.

Another thing that has coincided with this is that we no longer have our family pet. I suspected for a while that having our cat was contributing to the problem. The children at the day mother where my children were picking up their germs were not constantly on antibiotics, but recovered on their own. The only logical explanation to me was that something environmental was aggravating my children’s condition to the point where they develop an infection. I am not saying that none of those other children have pets at home, but I was always aware that Elijah is susceptible to chest infections and it made sense to me that something he was inhaling could cause his condition to escalate. Yes, it could also have been grass, dust and a million other things. Testing for allergies is very costly, so finding out exactly what was setting them off was not financially viable.

We had Amber for many years and she was getting old. She had lost both her canines and was struggling to jump out of the window and up onto the bed. Amber was the first in our family who knew I was pregnant. It might sound weird, but she started sleeping by my tummy before I even took a pregnancy test. This was out of character for her. She always slept with Rudi and I found it strange that she suddenly wanted to sleep with me. After I took the test and she did it again, I made the connection. Once we bought the pram, she started having behavioral problems. She urinated in the pram more than once and she started defecating in the house. Since this started happening the moment we brought the pram into the house, we thought she was not having any of this new baby. She had lived through the arrival of one baby and refused to take this news in her stride. We tried to find her a new home for over two years, but nobody wanted her. We put a sign up in the local vet with a picture of her and a short explanation of why we could not keep her. Not one person called. Rudi and I fought about this constantly. I was unhappy, the kids and myself were constantly sick, our cat was acting out, our house constantly stank of cat urine (to the point where neighbours walking past our house commented about it) and we were at the end of our tether. My grandmother suggested we contact the animal anti-cruelty league and said they would likely be able to try and find a home for her. I called them and the lady that answered said we could bring her through and they would see what they could do. Rudi and Elijah took her early the next Saturday morning. Rudi said they examined her and said she was around 12 years old (we never knew her exact age as we started caring for her when she was no longer a kitten) and there was no way they could find a home for her and that they would put her to sleep. Rudi returned home without her. We were very sad. She wasn’t just a part of our family for around 10 years, she was also Elijah and Gabby’s first pet.

So far kicking the antibiotics is going well. I think a combination of a) the medical aid being depleted b) me not panicking at the first sign of a fever c) the onset of summer d) no more pet hair/dander to contend with and e) finding over the counter medication that works for us have all contributed to it going well so far. I know it has not even been 2 months and we have gone this long without antibiotics before, so you may think it is too early to assess. You might be right.  The reason I’m posting this now already is because we have experienced scenarios in this last two months that usually resulted in a visit to the doctor and a prescription for antibiotics, yet here we are. I don’t think they will never need antibiotics again. I’m sure they will. I hope to strengthen their immunity by letting their body fight these germs. It might take them a little longer to recover and it might still be costing me a small fortune in over the counter medication to alleviate their symptoms, but I am sure as their immunity increases this will pay off in the long run.

Have you tried to kick antibiotics? How did it go?

 

How bout getting off these antibiotics?

How bout getting off these antibiotics? – Alanis Morissette

I am so tired of my children being on antibiotics. In my uneducated opinion, they are on antibiotics far too often. Our medical aid is already depleted (again), which is contributing to my worries. Do the children go to the doctor too much? Maybe. The previous time Elijah had bronchitis he was on 3 courses of antibiotics and a cortisone pump before he got better. This time they gave him one course of antibiotics. After the antibiotics were done with no improvement to his cough, the doctor said it was not a bacterial infection, but likely an allergy and prescribed a new cortisone pump (the same one he had a few months ago), but it still took 2 weeks before we started to see any improvement. Cortisone is a “heavy” medication for someone so little. It worries me. I also know that excessive antibiotics are bad for them and can have lifelong consequences. Look, I know that antibiotics are sometimes completely necessary. I believe in science. I just think too much of a good thing is bad.

A while ago a colleague told me he is not giving his children antibiotics anymore, not unless they are REALLY sick. He wanted their bodies to learn how to fight these bugs themselves. It has been working for them. A friend from Europe also mentioned that antibiotics are overused, he thinks that we are too quick to give antibiotics. He had been ill himself and as an adult had fever, etc and just rode it out. This got me thinking. Maybe I’m too quick to take the children to the doctor. My kids already take a multivitamin every day to help boost their immunity. They are on Zinplex, currently the one with extra Vitamin C, because winter. Our conversation was not even a day old when Gabby got a fever. Over 38.5, so we medicated. Her eyes also started weeping yellow stuff. This usually spells antibiotics for us. We had some eye drops from the previous incident and started administering them. She had another fever the next day and her eyes continued. We kept on with the eye medication and the fever has stayed at bay. Two weeks later her eyes are still not 100%. They still weep yellow stuff if we do not put in the drops/ointment and once the yellow stuff clears one of her eyes tear all the time, which is our first warning sign that things aren’t right and that an eye infection is imminent.

I think I’m going to try this, even though I know I feel like the worst-mother-in-the-WORLD when I leave them to get sick to the point where they just lay down and don’t want to do anything. Has anyone else done this? Tried to avoid antibiotics to improve their children’s natural immunity? I’ve been told often to try homeopathic medicine. Natural antibiotics. We have tried these as well. Not consistently to be honest and we have never taken the kids to a homeopath. I don’t really know if this is the answer.  I have also been told to put the children on Herbalife to improve their health.  Herbalife? Really? I had to take that one with a pinch of salt. No offense to the people that offered that advice, but after my grandfather was made to believe that Barleylife is going to cure his cancer and they swindled him out of how much money and gave him so much false hope I don’t place my trust in products like that anymore. Maybe it works for some for weight loss or whatever they use it for, but I don’t think it is for me. I don’t really have much spare money lying around anyway. After the medical aid I can’t use anymore takes their 4k I’m strapped.

 

On that note, winter can bugger right off! Here’s to healthy kids!

Test Results

So, I have received my test results. The doctor said while they found abnormal cells while conducting histology on the polyp, they are not malignant and I have nothing to worry about so why tell me about the abnormal cells? Isn’t that worrying?. He again recommended that I come for another check up in a year. If I am clear then I can have a check up every 5 or 6 years.

 

After reading up a bit, his recommendations indicate that while I have nothing to worry about right now, I may be at risk for colon cancer in the future. Considering this is what lead to my grandfather’s death it is very scary for me. I don’t want to go through what he went through. He became a great supporter of colonoscopies after he was diagnosed. He was too ashamed/afraid/embarrassed to go and may have survived if he had everything checked out when he was meant to. It is a sad thing that this is part of his legacy. Even though I too was ashamed/afraid/embarrassed, it was not *that* bad in the end. I really would have preferred not waking up while they were busy, but it was over quickly and pain has no memory. At least I know now. At least I am okay now and I can look after my health by checking regularly. It is unusual for someone my age to have developed a polyp in the first place. Even the preparation (which I dreaded) was not as bad as I had thought it would be. Now I know exactly what I need to do next time and what I should prepare myself for, instead of fretting over it for months.

 

Perhaps the worst slap in the face is the bill. I checked my medical aid claims tracker online and the amount not covered was around R2300.00 (the entire claims was just over R5000.00). I do not think that my 20% discount has been applied to the amount as yet. I certainly hope it has not. I have kept a small amount of money in reserve from last month’s salary in anticipation of this account. Hopefully I’ll be able to add to that amount after getting paid tomorrow and take a whack out of the bill, although that is doubtful. I will be able to settle the account at the end of May when we receive our quarterly bonus. Ironically, my bonus will be negatively affected by the 2 days leave I needed to take for the procedure. Turn the other cheek, right? (Ha ha ha. Just realized that was funny)

 

Onwards and upwards!

So much of mehness

I know I’ve been scarce. Life has been *so* hectic.


Work has been crazy. We were short staffed for almost two weeks. Every day. Then the pressure is on and you just have to cope. The work doesn’t stop coming in and because we have to respond to all queries within 24 hours, we can’t stop either. I was very upset last week when my boss cancelled my leave request. I had extended a leave request after seeing my grandfather’s dire condition. I decided to take a few days off to spend some time with him and my boss declined my leave. He said in light of my maternity/family responsibility (when Babyice was in hospital) and sick leave taken recently I would have to wait in order to take leave. Considering that his mother died earlier this year after a long battle with cancer, I thought he would be more compassionate. In the end my grandfather was booked back into hospital anyway and I returned to work (not like I had much of a choice). My team would have been royally screwed if I hadn’t returned, so in a way I understand why my leave was declined. I did highlight with my boss though that I would under no circumstances accept my leave being declined if my grandfather passes on as I have a very small family and I will need to assist with arrangements and taking care of my grandmother (and myself). He agreed this wouldn’t be a problem. I have been moved into the portfolio I have been dreading going to since before I went on maternity leave. I have tried to mentally prepare myself for this torture and really hope it isn’t going to add to my stress. Many people working in this portfolio have become ill or resigned. This specific portofolio goes through staff like you do toilet paper. Nobody wants to work here, but the work needs to be done. Unfortunately I still report to the same person. Hopefully my stay here will be limited as a new staff intake is in progress, but interviews are still to be conducted and this process takes some time. Hopefully they’ll be employed by 1 November. Fingers crossed?


My grandfather’s condition has deteriorated very quickly. He is very weak and has stopped eating completely. Sometimes he even battles to speak. He has become incontinent at times and since he is completely lucid I can only imagine how embarassing it is for him. My poor grandmother is having a lot of trouble coping with him at home. She has a very bad back and battles to wash him, etc. Hospice can only come twice a week and sometimes they cancel because they are too busy. Even the nursing services that came to put a drip on for my grandfather stuffed it up so much he had to go back to hospital, despite charging R360 for each visit and coming around twice a day. I’ve told him everything I feel I need to. Now I just spend time with him whenever I have a gap, which isn’t too often.


Babyice was sick the week before last. His nose started running and he started coughing again and running low grade fevers. I was in a state. He got ill on a Saturday morning (Murphy’s Law) and I had visions of pediatrician/hospital/pharmacy bills swimming around in front of me. We’ve had a lot of bills to pay lately and this is just an added stress. On Sunday (11 September), Rudi mentioned something about teeth and I decided to do a proper inspection of Babyice’s mouth. As true as Bob there was a little bit of white sticking out of his bottom gum! I was so proud (and relieved!) that all the niggles were explained and that we didn’t have to take him to the doctor after all. I’ve never been so excited about a tooth! On the Tuesday after his toofy popped I took him back to the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist for a check up on his ears. The ENT wasn’t happy at all. He pulled an amazing amount of gunk out of his ears and showed me that there was still a lot of fluid in there. The grommets are preventing a build up of fluid and the pain it causes, but the ears are meant to be dry. The teething snot could also have contributed to this, but he asked us to put ear drops in again (R210.00 KACHING) and we have to go back for another check up to ensure it worked (KACHING) and if there is still fluid in the ears, more antibiotics (KACHING). His ears *seem* okay now, but I’m not staring into them with a microscope or poking around with metal thingie…so there’s no way I can tell if it’s working. We’re going back on the 27th of September for his check up. The ENT also said I shouldn’t clean his ears at all (even with the baby ears buds) since this just does more harm than good.


Myself? Meh. I’m sick AGAIN. I think I picked it up from Rudi. He is all better now though and here I sit. I’ve been taking some allergy meds as the GP’s expect an allergy is making me sick and nebulizing myself at home to try and get better. I don’t seem to have an infection, so no sixth course of antibiotics for me. I’m coughing a bit less now, but my head is still a snot factory. I really don’t seem to be coping very well with everything. With work as bad as it is, my grandfather and family needing me constantly, financial stress and my failing health I am just not coping. Everything has just been going on for so long now and my mind and body are tired of the constant battering. I don’t know how much longer I can keep taking all of it. I find myself crying at my desk in the middle of the day. I’ve spoken to some close friends about it and they have recommended I get some help. The last thing I feel like doing is going to another doctor and paying them R300.00 to cry in their office and hope that they’ll take pity on my pathetic self and medicate me…although I am in favour of medicating myself. Stupid drugs I want are prescription only. I’m taking donations. Anyone got some old scripts/happy pills lying around?


Anyway…I apologize for my extended absence, but I really haven’t had the time or energy to put this all down. Thanks for all the messages of support on Facebook and Twitter my friends xxx

Wallet and Grommets

What a week. Sheesh. I’ve been having a really rough time.


Firstly my car went in for a service. The service was the standard R1200, but my CO2 reader on my exhaust was broken or something (R1800) and my brakes and disks needed to be replaced (R1000). R4000. Gone. Just like that. They wanted to charge me an additional R650 to repair my indicator which was shot, but I came across proof in one of my files that I had reported the fault within 30 days of purchasing the vehicle, which forced them to do it free of charge. Sharks. My car is running well again, so at least it’s sorted now.


Last weekend Babyice started to become niggly and was crying for seemingly no reason. I was still sick as a dog and not loving this business. I had only been booked off till last weekend, but I had to work the weekend since there was nobody to stand in for me. I went to work on Monday with the intention of going back to the doctor on Tuesday. While at work I received a call from Babyice’s day mother. She said he had a fever, seemed to be in pain when he coughed and was generally “pap” (weak/inactive). She gave him something for his fever. I called Rudi and immediately made an appointment for Babyice with my GP. He left work (since he had the car) and went to fetch Babyice for his appointment. The GP was very unhappy with the way Babyice’s lungs sounded and ordered a x-ray to check for pneumonia. He diagnosed that Babyice didn’t have pneumonia, but prescribed antibiotics and requested that Babyice come back at 17:45 the evening to check if his chest becomes worse at night.


Since Babyice was going back to the doctor anyway, I decided to book my appointment at the same time. It hurt to breathe again and I was feeling very bad. After work we went to my grandparents house since it was my aunt’s 40th birthday and we wanted to wish her and see my grandfather. While we were there we took Babyice’s temperature. He was running a fever of 39.3 degrees. Luckily I had grabbed some suppositories that @cazpi had given me and administered one. By the time we got to the doctor (about 30 minutes later), his fever had come down. The GP said he sounded better, but he still was not happy with how his lungs were sounding. The doctor asked if I was comfortable taking him home or if I wanted to have him evaluated for admission to hospital. I was not comfortable with the fevers he was running and said I would feel better if we went to hospital. The GP called the pediatrician at the hospital and we went straight there.


The pediatrician is the partner of our usual pediatrician as he was on standby for the evening. He saw Babyice and decided it better he be booked into hospital. He had a look at Babyice’s ears and noticed that there was considerable wax build up in his left ear and that it seemed to be quite infected. We proceeded to admit Babyice into hospital on Monday night.


Babyice was nebulized in hospital and given physio. His chest immediately started to improve. The ENT saw him on Tuesday early afternoon, cleaned out his ear and checked the infection. He mentioned that Babyice might need grommets if the infection does not respond to the antibiotics that he was receiving for his chest. He said there was a lot of puss built up behind the ear drum and that he was probably in quite a bit of pain.


On Tuesday late afternoon Babyice started refusing to eat, drink or sleep. I could not sit down with him. Every time I would sit down he would start crying. We had a terrible day. My arms, leg and back were aching from carrying him up and down the ward all day. That evening he finally got to sleep, but woke up an hour later screaming. Nothing I did calmed him down. Eventually the nurses took him from me and called the doctor. He authorized them to give him pain medication. As soon as Babyice saw me he started screaming all over again. The nurses sent me away and said they would take care of him for the night as I seemed to upset him. I was already exhausted. I had been carrying him around all day, the previous night I’d “slept” on the single pull out couch provided. When you fold the couch out you can see how it is constructed. It’s basically a wooden crate with a thin layer of material covering it. Uncomfortable much? I tried to get some sleep on the crate, but constantly got up to check on Babyice. He refused his feed again and was kept nil per mouth as per the doctor’s instructions. He drank 60ml of black tea at around 4am. His first food or drink in 12 hours.


On Wednesday morning the pediatrician came to see him. He explained to me that it would be best to go ahead and put grommets in Babyice’s ears. He said he had seen worse infections, but that some children would not eat or drink until the grommets are put in and Babyice seemed to be one of them. They took him into theatre just before 12. At this point I had already received a lot of feedback on Twitter. An overwhelming number of people said that their children had grommets and that it made a huge difference. This set my mind at ease and I was relieved that everything was happening so fast, instead of having to be booked back into hospital and going for more doctors appoinments that I can’t afford.


I walked into theatre with him and held him while they put him to sleep. He didn’t fight it much (he was probably very exhausted already) and I was sent to the waiting room close to the theatres. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down. I hadn’t even finished half a cup when I saw the ENT waving me down. They had already finished and I could take him back to the ward. I asked whether I could feed him as he was probably starving already and they consented. As soon as we got back to the ward I gave Babyice a bottle and he drank it with gusto. He then went to sleep. Immediate improvement! After the grommets were put in he started improving in leaps and bounds. He started eating again, going down for naps and even playing. He still wanted to be held a lot, but didn’t scream like he was before. We had quite a good night on Wednesday night and the pediatrician decided Babyice was ready for release on Thursday morning.


Finally. I didn’t know if I could spend one more night sleeping on that crate. The cots in hospital are also so stupidly designed. The sides of the cots are not height adjustable and when they are up you can’t reach over them to touch baby or give him his dummy. They are also very heavy and make a noise when you are putting them up or letting them down which wakes baby up every time. My MIL picked us up from hospital. We went to her house where she watched Babyice while I had a nap. Bless her. I needed some rest.


When we went to see the pediatrician on Monday he noticed that I was also not well. He took more note than my bloody GP did when I went to see him. On Tuesday morning he wrote me a prescription for meds to nebulize with as well as another antibiotic. Thanks to him I am feeling a lot better. It doesn’t hurt to breathe anymore and my cough has cleared up considerably. Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and later had a sore tongue too, but that is a bit better today. I just hope I can finally kick all these bugs out of my life. I can’t be sick anymore. It is K-I-L-L-I-N-G me. Needless to say I’m changing pediatricians. Our usual pediatrician came into the ward, acknowledged that he knew us, but showed no interest in why we were there. He barely greeted. His bum. I’m not forking over any more of my hard earned money to someone who doesn’t give a damn.


We have purchased a nebulizer and snot sucking vacuum attachment. We are treating Babyice at home now, nebulizing him and giving him some physio. He seems to be getting better, so we’re happy. I was dreading being home alone with Babyice on Friday since he had been extremely niggly and difficult to manage in hospital. My entire body was aching from insufficient/uncomfortable sleep and pacing the corridors with a heavy baby in my arms. Friday went *much* better than expected though. Babyice didn’t give me a hard time at all! The snot sucking attachment that we bought for the vacuum cleaner (recommended by the pediatrician) is AWESOME. You will not believe how much we’ve managed to get out of Babyice already. All this snot would have either gone down to his chest or into his tummy. It isn’t dangerous at all. We have a 1600 KW vacuum cleaner and the suction is not too strong. The attachment catches the mucus sucked out, so none of it actually goes into the vacuum cleaner. You then just rinse out the attachment and you can sterilize it in boiling water.


On Thursday evening I received a call from my grandmother. She needed Rudi’s help since my grandfather was going back into hospital. Rudi had to come and push one of the wheelchairs since both her and my grandfather needed one. My grandfather had gotten weak again and was unable to eat or drink. He had too much pain and my grandmother just wasn’t managing at home with him. I went to visit him in hospital yesterday afternoon. He is looking okay, but he is still very depressed and not improving as much as he usually does when admitted to hospital. As much as I love my grandfather and as much as I want him around, I don’t want him to suffer. He doesn’t want to be alive anymore and I can’t say that I blame him. In his eyes his existence has become a burden and he experiences hell every day with his symptoms. He can’t really do anything for himself anymore and he just has no quality of life. Even when he was healthy he used to say that he does not want to live if he can’t live his life to the fullest. I still think he has quite a long road ahead of him, but only time will tell.


So with all these doctor’s bills and my car I am completely flat broke. Thankfully I got a bonus this month at work, but I literally have not seen any of it. It has all been spent on hospitals, doctors, medicine, medical equipment (nebulizer and snot sucker) and my car. Very depressing, althought it would have been much more depressing if I had to make debt to afford all these things.


Things can only get better now, right?

Bad news

So my grandfather got the results from his tests. The cancer has not spread to his stomach, but he is going to die anyway. The doctors say there is nothing more they can do for him. Surgery is not an option. They can’t tell him how much time he has left. Maybe 3 months, maybe 6…perhaps even 12. Difficult to say. Chemo will only take away his quality of life. He doesn’t want to do it anymore and according to the doctors it won’t help anyway. So now we wait. We wait and watch him die. I cried a bit, but when I spoke to him I was calm. Talking about whether his affairs are in order and whether my grandmother will be taken care of…and if he has made sure My Evil Mother won’t get her grubby paws on any of his money since she has long since squandered her inheritance AND their livelihood. Grrrrr. Moving on…


Babyice is doing well, despite the fact that he was unable to get two of his immunizations due to a nationwide shortage both in the government and private sectors. He has had the first installment of these injections, so they say he won’t get sick as badly as he would of should he have had nothing. Terrible planning. These injections were only private until recently and now that they’ve put them on the government schedule, making them available to everybody, they have run out. I’m really happy that they’ve made it available to every mom, but they should have made provision for the demand. Now there are literally thousands of babies that will be going without because they didn’t foresee the how many people might want/need the injections. The Rotarix drops he is supposed to get protects againts the Rotavirus. Apparently it takes 8 months to produce it and he needs it before he is six months old, so basically, he won’t get it. I can just hope and pray that he also doesn’t get the virus.


I’ve sorted out his day mother for end of July. She is happy to take him and currently has 9 children with her, the youngest is 9 months, but the rest are all older. I’ll be able to leave a sterilizer and some bottles with her which will help not carting stuff back and forth. She is quite reasonable and since she looked after me when I was little I trust her and the environment he will be in.


We went to visit the other parents from our antenatal class again last Saturday. We were there SO late! My intention was to leave early so that they could bath their baby and get her to sleep peacefully the evening. It didn’t work out that way. The guys went out to play some darts/pool and only got back around 6PM. After that they started the fire, but we only ended up eating around 10:30PM! We had such a good time. We really enjoy their company and they are very accomodating and generous people. They got a bath ready and everything for Babyice, but he had just eaten and tends to vomit if you bath him straight after a feed. They let him sleep in their daughter’s cot and moved her back into their room for the night. It’s so comfortable there and we have such a lot in common right now. Since their baby is a little bit older than Babyice, C has lots of tips for me on what comes next. We discussed going onto solids which their baby will be doing very soon. It’s all so exciting! After Babyice has gone for his check up at the pediatrician I’ll be taking him to the clinic they go to for a feeding consultation. Their clinic exclusively deals with babies and they sound so much better than the one we go to. Before we left they also gifted us a TON of baby wipes they can’t use. They prefer a different brand and their daughter has a reaction to the brand they bought while pregnant. I won’t have to buy wipes for the rest of the year at least! We’re so grateful!


Not much else to report at the moment. We’re so busy right now…every weekend is booked. Literally till mid June we are busy every weekend and it just keeps filling up. I swear I’ll be exhuasted by the time I go back to work! It’s okay though. If Rudi and I have plans together he is less likely to escape on a Saturday afternoon to go out leaving me alone.


This morning when the domestic came in she decided to try and put Babyice on her back. We manouvered my sling (completely wrong, I’m 100% sure) and put him on there. He was SO happy on content! He later fell sleep there after sucking his fist and checking stuff out for quite some time. I’ve never heard him quiet for so long. I need to learn how to do this. Apparently the kango pouches are only up to 9kg and he is already almost 7…so I don’t think it will be worth it buying one now 🙁





P.S. She just walked in here again…she’s put him on her back (on her own) and is merrily cleaning the house. Dammit. I wish I could afford to employ her full time to look after him 🙁

Feeling Judged

As a new mother, you expect to be judged. You expect strangers to come up to you in the local Spar telling you that your child isn’t dressed warmly enough or that you shouldn’t be holding him *that* way, etc. You expect to be judged. What you don’t expect is that same judgement from your own family.


We’ve had Babyice’s problem diagnosed and we know what it is all about. It has been verified by sticking a scope through his nose and down his throat. It’s not guesswork. It’s a fact…we’ve had him at the pediatrician and at the ear, nose and throat specialist, but people just don’t seem to think that’s enough.


My grandmother asked me if we don’t want to get *another* opinion. Who else’s opinion do I need? My grandfather calls me up at 10PM asking me if it hurts when he breathes (no it doesn’t…wouldn’t he cry?). I know they are just concerned. I know they love him and just want the best for him, but do they doubt us? Do they think *we* don’t want the best for him? Do they think it doesn’t concern us too? I’ll be chatting to them on the phone and they’ll hear him in the background and say “oh shame, are you sure he is alright?” Yes. He is FINE. Really. He can breathe and he is growing fast and eating well. He.Is.Fine.


Today I went back to the gynae for my post birth check up. I had to explain about 5 times over that he is fine. His chest is not phlegmy, his nose isn’t blocked, he is just fine (all this to strangers). One Sunday in church the lady sitting in front of me became so worried *during* the service that she turned around and asked me if we have him on a nebulizer (sometimes it sounds like phlegm on the chest). So I had to explain *during* the service that it was not, in fact, his chest and that he is FINE. Another woman kept on looking over at him with much irritation. I wanted to klap her, but decided it might not be in the spirit of peace and harmony to slap someone at church. She must have been wondering why we bring our “sick” child to church where he can spread his germs. She made an assumption. I understand that, but then keep your dirty looks to yourself or open your mouth so I can set you straight.


So yes, everywhere we go, we are questioned. Even by our own families. Rudi’s family isn’t very comfortable with it either. The sound is very alarming…but he is fine and if we say he is fine people should believe us. Before he was born so many people told me they thought I would make a great mother…people don’t seem so sure anymore. The only people who have not second guessed us and have embraced him noise and all are our fabulous Twitter friends. <3 you guys! 🙂

I hope he outgrows it sooner rather than later. Rudi and I are so used to it already we worry when we *can’t* hear him breathe. Sometimes the noise is so loud and annoying we can’t sleep at all. There is nothing we can do to stop it and Babyice can’t help it…so we just have to wait until it gets quieter. Surgery is only an option if he starts turning blue or starts losing weight because he isn’t feeding well. That is not happening. I don’t want them putting my tiny baby to sleep, unhinging his jaw and scratching in his throat. Not to mention having pipes coming out of his nose and mouth…I couldn’t bear it. If surgery is not necessary, it won’t be done.


So. He is FINE. Ok?

Sick, sad and broke

I’m still not better. I’ve finished the antibiotics I was prescribed on Friday. I’ve still got a pump I’m using (it will take 30 days to finish it) and a nasal spray. I also take cough mixture every now and then. Every time I start to feel a bit better it deteriorates again. Forkitall. It sucks. You know how it feels when you’ve felt sick for so long that you can’t remember what it feels like to be healthy? I’m starting to feel like that now. I went back to physio yesterday and will be going again this evening. I might even need a few more sessions. When I cough I sound like a tractor that doesn’t want to start. Although my chest feels slightly better today, my ears, throat and head hurt. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another. I realize I’ve been whining a lot lately (sorry Twitter). I really feel like crap and I’m starting to feel bad about moaning so much. I honestly have a lot to be grateful for, despite being ill and being harassed by My Evil Mother. I haven’t gone back to the doctor. I’m hesitant to do so. I’ve already spent over R2000 on doctors and medicine in less than a week and I see all my bonus money dwindling away. Money I would have liked to use for things for Babyice and for Christmas presents. *poof* it’s gone. I honestly don’t know what more the doctor can do for me. I’ve had antibiotics, physio, cortisone…what more is there? I’m quite happy that the cortisone injection (also administered on Friday) did not have the same effect on me as it did in May. I’m sure the fact that I’m 26 weeks pregnant has a lot to do with it (it’s exactly the same dosage and make of cortisone they used last time), but I haven’t gotten the insatiable appetite or insomnia this time around. Thank God for small mercies.

 

My Evil Mother hasn’t contacted me yet today. Yet. I have church tonight and I don’t want to go because I anticipate she is going to be there. She actually puts a damper on the whole experience. I just know when I exit the church she will be there crying. To anyone that will listen. On Sunday she slid in next to my grandmother and started crying on her shoulder (literally). I walked away and by the time I got to the parking lot she was standing there crying by my grandmother’s car. Pitiful. Convenient that she then has an audience of people who have just come out of church, isn’t it? Orchestrated much? *sigh* I am not the least bit interested in seeing that show, so I’ve considered moving congregations for a little while. There is a church much closer to our house that I am supposed to be going to (you are supposed to attend in the area you live in, if possible), but I attend our congregation because my grandparents are there.  I mentioned it to my grandfather this morning and he didn’t seem too upset about it. It will only be temporary though, until she realizes I’m not playing her game. If that message ever gets through to her.

 

So tomorrow it will be a year since this happened. I had a hard time deciding what I wanted to do for Jamie’s birthday. I did not want it to go by without being acknowledged. I’ve written her a letter (as best I could while sobbing away behind the keyboard) which I will publish tomorrow and I’ve decided I’m going to bake her a birthday cake. One with her name on. I don’t usually bake, so I consider it a special effort. I don’t even have cake tins! I’ll have to go and get supplies after work.

 

I will post pictures.