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Sick, sad and broke

I’m still not better. I’ve finished the antibiotics I was prescribed on Friday. I’ve still got a pump I’m using (it will take 30 days to finish it) and a nasal spray. I also take cough mixture every now and then. Every time I start to feel a bit better it deteriorates again. Forkitall. It sucks. You know how it feels when you’ve felt sick for so long that you can’t remember what it feels like to be healthy? I’m starting to feel like that now. I went back to physio yesterday and will be going again this evening. I might even need a few more sessions. When I cough I sound like a tractor that doesn’t want to start. Although my chest feels slightly better today, my ears, throat and head hurt. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another. I realize I’ve been whining a lot lately (sorry Twitter). I really feel like crap and I’m starting to feel bad about moaning so much. I honestly have a lot to be grateful for, despite being ill and being harassed by My Evil Mother. I haven’t gone back to the doctor. I’m hesitant to do so. I’ve already spent over R2000 on doctors and medicine in less than a week and I see all my bonus money dwindling away. Money I would have liked to use for things for Babyice and for Christmas presents. *poof* it’s gone. I honestly don’t know what more the doctor can do for me. I’ve had antibiotics, physio, cortisone…what more is there? I’m quite happy that the cortisone injection (also administered on Friday) did not have the same effect on me as it did in May. I’m sure the fact that I’m 26 weeks pregnant has a lot to do with it (it’s exactly the same dosage and make of cortisone they used last time), but I haven’t gotten the insatiable appetite or insomnia this time around. Thank God for small mercies.


My Evil Mother hasn’t contacted me yet today. Yet. I have church tonight and I don’t want to go because I anticipate she is going to be there. She actually puts a damper on the whole experience. I just know when I exit the church she will be there crying. To anyone that will listen. On Sunday she slid in next to my grandmother and started crying on her shoulder (literally). I walked away and by the time I got to the parking lot she was standing there crying by my grandmother’s car. Pitiful. Convenient that she then has an audience of people who have just come out of church, isn’t it? Orchestrated much? *sigh* I am not the least bit interested in seeing that show, so I’ve considered moving congregations for a little while. There is a church much closer to our house that I am supposed to be going to (you are supposed to attend in the area you live in, if possible), but I attend our congregation because my grandparents are there.  I mentioned it to my grandfather this morning and he didn’t seem too upset about it. It will only be temporary though, until she realizes I’m not playing her game. If that message ever gets through to her.


So tomorrow it will be a year since this happened. I had a hard time deciding what I wanted to do for Jamie’s birthday. I did not want it to go by without being acknowledged. I’ve written her a letter (as best I could while sobbing away behind the keyboard) which I will publish tomorrow and I’ve decided I’m going to bake her a birthday cake. One with her name on. I don’t usually bake, so I consider it a special effort. I don’t even have cake tins! I’ll have to go and get supplies after work.


I will post pictures.