I’ve been suffering from bloggers block. I’ve been uninspired to blog because I’m not really sure what I want to say. I guess there are a lot of different things I want to talk about, to put out there, but I haven’t been able to organize my thoughts in order to write them down. So this might all come out in a mess and there might be more or less than expected. So here goes…
I hit the 6 month mark in my pregnancy today. I can barely believe how fast the time has been going by. It still feels like 3 weeks ago that I was waiting for the 3 months mark and my second trimester to kick in. I still suffer from nausea now and then and still get sick in the morning sometimes, but it is much better than it was in the beginning. My tummy has grown enough for me to be obviously pregnant and to make me feel quite stretched in that area. I have heartburn occasionally, but at the moment I manage to cope with it without Gaviscon sometimes. I only opt for the Gaviscon if I’m trying to sleep and it is keeping me awake and I’ve only had to do that twice. It’s still early days though and I’m sure the heartburn can still come back to bite me like it did with Babyice. As far as I remember the worst part of the heartburn is eating while you have heartburn, because it is always there, it becomes an eat or starve situation. Having it while you’re trying to sleep is also the pits. Perhaps PrincessIce will be gracious enough to spare her mommy that. We’ll have to wait and see She is kicking a fair amount now and it really is my favourite part of being pregnant. She has skillfully avoided painfully kicking my bladder like Babyice used to and I am really grateful for that. I’m sure she’ll find an unpleasant place to kick me at some point though I’ve already picked up 7 kg! I’m not sure how this compares to my weight gain with Babyice, but I know I only picked up 15 kg with him. I’ll have to ask my gynae to check at my next appointment.
I’ve been thinking about breastfeeding and what I am going to do this time around. With Babyice I was determined to breastfeed and I really did try my utmost best. It turned into such an emotionally destructive process for me (and possibly him) that the entire experience left me feeling traumatized. He was always hungry and unhappy. I tried to feed him sufficiently and failed. He lost too much weight or didn’t gain enough. I distinctly remember the day I decided to stop. I was gutted. I cried and cried (I know the hormones didn’t help). I felt like a complete failure, despite giving it my best effort. I just couldn’t take it anymore and switched him to formula. The difference was like night and day. He was *much* happier and when I finally got over myself and my feelings of inadequacy, I was too. I know breast is best. I know it is better for your baby. I would also love to not have to wash and sterilize bottles and bond with my baby in that way, I’m just not sure that it will happen. I do not want to go through all of that again and I’m not sure if I have the courage to try and fail. I had support last time too, a friend did her best to help me. She even took me into her home so that she could be there for me during the night if I needed her. She took me to a clinic sister who also tried to help. We tried pumping breast milk, we tried nipple shields…we tried everything. He just wouldn’t latch correctly, resulting in him just getting foremilk and not getting the nutritious hind milk which he required. He would drink for an hour or more and still not be satisfied. The clinic sister said the only reason he was falling asleep while drinking was because he was exhausted from trying so hard. I dread this. I really don’t know what to do. I doubt we can afford to employ the services of a lactation specialist when our baby arrives. The clinic sisters in my area were not of much help last time. I could just opt to formula feed. I know a lot of people do, but somehow I’m torn about it. If I do decide to do that I will, of course, give the initial feed of colustrum in hospital. I still have a couple of months to think about this, but I have been thinking about it for a few months already and still have not gotten very far. I am now for the second time further along that I ever got with Jamie (by two weeks). This gives me hope, but I still take nothing for granted.
Leebeesa seems to think I’m as big now as I was at the end of my pregnancy with Babyice. I beg to differ:
24 week bump (PrincessIce)
39 week bump (Babyice)
Looking at the picture now, it looks like I’m carrying quite a bit lower than I was with Babyice. Perhaps PrincessIce is still ascending. Only time will tell I guess.
I never posted pictures of Babyice’s haircut! I actually think he looks better when we shave all his hair off, but we’ll save that for summer and when he is a little braver at the hairdresser. All neat again:
My Evil Mother popped up again recently, trying to establish contact. After ignoring her first ‘How are you all?’ message, she sent me another claiming she was moving to another province and then asking if I wasn’t even going to say goodbye. See that? Bait and guilt. I ignored that message too. She was meant to leave yesterday, but nobody has heard anything from her. Her story is, once again, fishy. She has claimed that she is going to move to this same city before because her husband has a job opportunity there. They never left. This time around she told my grandmother she is going alone. I am really not going to let her hook me in. I do not need her toxicity in my life. I need to remain calm and zen and grow my baby. That is my primary concern and I will do my best to circumvent people who work against that goal. Unfortunately I cannot avoid everybody that makes my blood boil, but I can control exposure to MEM.
Well, just 3 more months to go before PrincessIce arrives…I best not blink.