April 7th, 2011 | Posted by acidicice

I’m tired. So tired. Yesterday I went to see the nurse at work to get my weekly vitamin B injection and chat to her about being tired all the time. She also recommended that I get my thyroid checked. I suppose I really should lift my tired bum and do it then. Life is not fun going through it like this. Even after my vitamin B injection yesterday I had trouble facing getting out of bed this morning.

After we got home we went to gym. I was yawning on the way there and just did not feel like going at all. I don’t know *how* I got through my workout, but I did. Getting to gym timeously is quite a mission. We leave work, go pick up Babyice, go home, feed him, bath him, get him dressed, get ourselves dressed and then head of to gym. We do our workout and sometimes (as we did last night) go to Pick ‘n Pay after gym to buy things for supper and then go home. Then it’s putting Babyice to sleep and Rudi does the cooking. We still have to shower and eventually we plop into bed. We usually go to bed around 20:30/21:00. A lot of people think that is early. Even though we go to bed early and usually wake up around 05:30 I am still tired all the time. 8 hours of sleep should be enough! I should even be able to get away with a little less, no? I’m only almost 30. Feck I’m old.

Christelle suggested that we don’t sleep as deeply as we used to before we had kids. I can neither confirm nor deny this. If Babyice does wake me up at night I have trouble getting back to sleep, but he has been sleeping through for quite some time now and it doesn’t happen very often. I don’t feel like I spend a lot of time running after him or that I expend an amazing amount of energy bathing him, etc (unless we’re rushing to get to gym)…so I don’t really feel like I can attribute my permanent lethargy to having a baby in the house. I could be deceiving myself or underestimating how much energy I do use to look after him, but I’m more tired recently than I have been in a long time. Actually…I don’t remember ever being this tired.

Perhaps I am anxious about having the test done. What if my thyroid is fine? Then WTF is wrong with me? I also want to have allergy tests done…but I don’t want to exhaust our medical aid in April already. I really need to do something though. Something is up and I need to fix it. Rudi says I’m wishing my life away by constantly wanting to go to bed or have a nap and he is right.

I really hope this doesn’t sound like a bitching/moaning session. I don’t want to be someone who whines on their blog all the time. Rudi says I moan a lot. Maybe that is because I am perpetually tired and grumpy! I should go. I must go. I must not procrastinate. I must not just keep putting this off until I collapse in an exhausted pile. At this rate I’m going to quit gym and it is not something that I want to do.

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April 6th, 2011 | Posted by acidicice

I am sad today. In the past week two people in a department that works closely with ours have passed away suddenly. Very suddenly. The first came in the form of a car accident while he was driving home from work. He left work to go home and never made it there. The second came today with a woman falling out of her chair and never getting up again. They tried administering CPR for over 30 minutes and managed to get a pulse, but she was declared brain dead at the hospital and they say it is inevitable that the machines will be turned off. I didn’t know either of them very well, but I have had interactions with them both. Both of them had small children.

These two events in such quick succession have brought feelings of mortality very close to home. I have felt teary-eyed since I heard. I am quite a sensitive soul and I easily put myself in someone else’s shoes (as much as I am able to). After Rudi’s stunt last Wednesday thoughts of what would happen to us if he passed away have plagued me. It could just as easily be me, but I feel that I am not as much of a risk as he is. He is on the road all day for work and driving. Anything could happen. To either of us. Feck I could keel over from a heart attack or stroke RIGHT NOW. What about my son?

So I am sad and I am scared. I am not afraid to admit that I am afraid of death. My own death and of those I love. Just this morning my colleague asked me whether Ascension Day service would be held in the morning…I almost said ‘I’ll ask my Oupa’ and realized I couldn’t. I nearly cried (this was before anything happened at work today). My Oupa would have known and he was my go-to guy for such questions and now he isn’t around anymore. My Oupa didn’t pass away suddenly. We had time to say goodbye and to process the fact that he would no longer be with us for very long. These families did not have that opportunity.

Did you kiss your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/children goodbye this morning? Did you tell them you love them? Were you nice to everyone today? What if you never got home today?

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April 5th, 2011 | Posted by acidicice

Rudi and I are still going to gym regularly (3 – 4 times a week). I’ve been working hard, but it is difficult. I’ve tried changing up my workout – i.e. using the treadmill instead of the elliptical and doing different weight exercises, but it’s still getting old. I really miss my personal trainer! It’s so much easier when someone has already planned out a workout with a variety of exercises. Every time is different. Unfortunately I won’t be able to afford him again until I get a bonus and then I’ll probably only get 3 sessions (at R200.00 a pop!). I will keep on keeping on though…but if anyone can make any suggestions as to how I can get an endorphin kick or make my exercise fun again…PLEASE tell me! I’ve only had one PROPER endorphin kick the entire time I’ve been going to gym and it was FANTASTIC. I wish I could feel that happy to be alive every day! I’ve been avoiding the elliptical like the plague since I battled through my 20 minute stint last Monday, but I’ll get back on it on Wednesday.

I don’t feel sick anymore, aside from my perpetual post nasal drip. Since I’ve developed this allergy while pregnant (I assume, it only started then) I have not been able to shake it. Antihistamines don’t really work well enough for me and I have no idea what I’m allergic to. My nose is *always* leaking. I AM the sniffing colleauge! My colleagues will deny they notice, but they sure do notice when I blow my nose. I sound like an elephant trumpeting, I just cannot do it softly. This is so annoying, but I don’t know how to fix it.

Another thing…I’m tired…ALL.THE.TIME. I thought once I start exercising I would have some more energy, I really work hard at it, but nada. Nothing. Zip. I still struggle to get up in the morning and I find myself yawning through the day and wanting to go to bed at 7 PM already. It irritates Rudi to no end. He seems to have more energy than I do, but I think it has more to do with the stigma of going to bed early (i.e. we’re getting OLD). Someone suggested I have my thyroid tested (which I’ve done before a few years ago), but I’m loathe to pay for a doctor’s appointment just for that.

GAH. I know I can’t be healthy overnight and that the weight loss is going to take time. I’ve made peace with that…but FFS. I’ve also had some problems with my knees, wrist and back hurting. I *think* the knees hurting are my tendons struggling to adjust to the exercise, but I have no idea why my wrist and back are acting up. I’ll have to avoid the treadmill from now on, just in case these pains are related to the impact I’m putting on them when I exercise. I definitely feel back ache while I’m on the treadmill, I lifted myself up slightly with my arms while on the treadmill yesterday and it alleviated it, but it definitely isn’t the way to do it.

Enough of the bitch and moan now! I’m out!

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April 4th, 2011 | Posted by acidicice

So, in the end all my worries were for nothing. None of the banks offered us a 100% bond (loan) and therefore we cannot buy the house, even if we wanted to. Rudi’s bank declined our request outright whereas my bank offered us 75%. After the bond originator appealed the decision, they sent her a letter advising that they could not take a bigger risk than that considering the current economic climate.

I am relieved to be honest. Hearing that electricity is going up and petrol is going up inevitably means food and everything else is going up…I didn’t know if we could survive if we had a bond. The banks certainly have a better idea of what is going on in the economy and can forecast things we may not anticipate. I trust that they made the right decision. We haven’t lost anything by going through the process and we still have a roof over our heads. Rudi is now on a mission though. He now wants to build a flat/small house in his mother’s back yard in hopes that he will inherit the entire property when they pass on. He fails to consider his siblings in all of this…besides, I don’t want to live in someone’s back yard. I have no problem with his parents, but after a nightmare of a time living with my mother I decided that I will never live with someone that I am not married to or did not originate from inside me ever again. Rudi doesn’t seem to understand that there is no easy way of getting a house. You need to work hard for it and suffer for it. At the end of the day it is also not that important.

Also, with things in the flat breaking down…there is a silver lining…never having to pay for repairs to the things that break in the house, never having to pay rates and not paying for water are all silver linings! We will still be looking for places to rent in order to find a place with a nice yard for Babyice to play in, otherwise we’ll make it work!

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March 30th, 2011 | Posted by acidicice

On Sunday I wasn’t feeling well. I had a sore throat and horrible headache. I decided on Sunday night if I didn’t feel better by the next morning that I would stay home and go to the doctor. I was not going to be a hero. I’ve tried that before and nobody benefits. Luckily when I woke up on Monday morning the sore throat felt better, it didn’t hurt to swallow anymore and the headache was less invasive.

I decided since I was feeling well enough to go to work I would not stay out of gym. It was time for my 40 minute cardio session. I usually do my first 20 minutes on the elliptical (the Orbitrek machine) and have succeeded in keeping it on level 7 the entire time. About 7 or 8 minutes into it I felt like I was punishing myself beyond belief. I STRUGGLED. After 14 minutes or so I turned it down to level 6 because I didn’t see myself making it through the entire 20 minutes. I was huffing and puffing and felt like getting off. The music pumping through my iPod which usually motivates me and causes me to step faster as the beat increases didn’t help me at all. Rudi came to stand next to me and urged and encouraged me to finish my 20 minutes (bless him). I did, but decided then and there that I was rather going to do weight training for the rest of my time there. I just couldn’t do another MINUTE of cardio.

I had a flu injection last week Wednesday and I think these symptoms are from that vaccine working it’s way out of my system. Apparently it’s not a good idea to go to gym when you are sick as it is bad for your heart, but I didn’t feel *that* sick. I actually felt better than I did on Sunday. I took the day off gym yesterday, which I would have done anyway. I was feeling congested yesterday and am still feeling that way this morning. I took an antihistamine and used some Illiadin this morning which has made me feel okay, but we are going to gym again tonight. Weight training is on the cards. Maybe 5 – 10 minutes of cardio just to warm up and get the heart rate going.

Nothing frustrates me more than exercise becoming HARDER after doing it for a while. This has been the case for me before and a reason for me to quit. Isn’t exercise supposed to become easier? As it becomes easier you push yourself harder and challenge yourself to do better. Why is it that a workout on the same level was easier and made me feel good a few days ago, but now it feels like I’m suffering through it? I know that I have hormones and stuff to consider (apparently this is a factor), but SHEESH. I want to get fitter and healthier and do better all the time. I don’t want to struggle. I am willing to work for it and make the effort, but I don’t expect it to push back at me and throw my efforts in my face. Wow. I sound sulky. Perhaps I am.

So I’ll be going to gym tonight and hoping it will be better. I’ve only had one really good endorphin rush since going to gym and I wonder how I can push myself to that level again. Any advice? I’m not doing anything differently to what I did that day, sometimes I do more. Will also be going to gym on Friday evening and Yoga on Saturday morning. I really hope that it starts feeling good again really fast, before I lose heart.

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March 28th, 2011 | Posted by acidicice

Saturday was a complete write off for me. We went to gym, which was great. We did some grocery shopping and it wasn’t a complete nightmare. Then HE phoned. Lindor. Asshole. Rudi and I argued and eventually Rudi left promising he would only be away for 3 hours maximum. 5 hours later he decides to come home. Despite this being exactly the way he normally behaves when he goes to Lindor, I can never get past it. It angers me EVERY time. I was upset, wasn’t feeling well and very irritated. I decided to get into the shower just to get away from him and his ‘sucking up’ which just irritated me even more. When I got out of the shower he had the radio on and I went to ask him why he is blaring music and to tell him I have a headache. He just rolled his eyes at me. I went into our room and closed the door to try and block out the noise while I dried my hair. I heard the music going even louder and got even more pissed off at his spitefulness.

When I switched off the hairdryer I heard people shouting at each other. Rudi had become involved in an altercation with a man standing downstairs. He doesn’t live in our block, I didn’t recognize him, but he was telling Rudi to turn down the music since he thought it was too loud. Rudi was shouting (and swearing) back at him because it was only 6 pm and he didn’t think the music was too loud at all. Apparently the man had been standing downstairs trying to get Rudi’s attention for several minutes to ask him to turn it down. By the time Rudi noticed him (he happened to, he didn’t hear him) he had already become more agitated than he already was and according to Rudi ‘gave him attitude’. Although I was already livid with Rudi because of his continuous disrespect of my wishes when he goes to Lindor, I had to side with the stranger. He was playing the music ridiculously loudly (according to him Babyice was enjoying it, but I feel it was too loud even for him) and because we live in a communal area where we are literally living on top of and in close proximity of 7 other households it was inconsiderate, regardless of what day or what time it was. Having been with Lindor, Rudi had had several drinks and was (I quote) ‘in a party mood’, when nobody else was. Another reason I loathe him going to Lindor. He loses track of time, doesn’t give a hoot about how I feel/am sitting at home alone and comes home intoxicated and doesn’t understand why I am unhappy about it. He needs his ‘down time’ and I don’t have a problem giving it to him, if only he wouldn’t take the whole arm when I give him the pinky. Turns out Lindor bought a TV bracket and Rudi had to help him mount it. Rudi is always doing DIY stuff around their house or around Lindor’s office. Rudi doesn’t seem to think Lindor is using him, which is exactly what I think is happening. Thank the good Lord that I don’t have friends like that. GAH.

*sigh* I wasn’t going to blog about that, but I suppose it’s best to just get it off my chest.

We made plans a couple of weeks ago to go to Christelle and Dion for Sunday lunch (the couple from antenatal classes, remember?). She volunteered to cook and regretted it as Sunday approached. We haven’t seen them for about 8 months and I was very much looking forward to seeing them again. When Babyice got sick during the week I feared it might ruin our plans, luckily the antibiotics turned him around within the week. On Saturday Christelle let me know that her daughter had a cold and that she thought it best to inform us so that we could decide whether we wanted to risk Babyice getting sick again. We decided to go anyway since Babyice was still on antibiotics and since Zani was running any fevers it should be okay.

We arrived late (sorry!) since we underestimated the time it would take to pick up dessert and fill up the car and run it through the car wash. When we arrived and I saw the pots on the stove I realized we were in for a real treat! The house smelled divine and I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into what was cooking. Christelle served leg of lamb (which had been slow cooking since the previous evening) which was juicy and tender. We had sweet potato made with maple syrup (evilly delicious I tell you!), traditional green beans, rice and roast/deep fried potato. The potatoes were roasting in the oven when it started giving a strange error message and in an effort to save the potatoes and prevent the meal being ruined, she decided to deep fry them instead.

What a treat! Everything was delicious! I ate way too much. The potatoes were crispy on the outside and soft on the inside, the sweet potato had caramelized bits which were sticky and wonderfully yummy. After we’d dished out the sweet potato I tasted some of the syrup which was left behind and ended up going back for a second finger full. To die for. I would certainly love for her to cook again! We lounged outside for a while the babies playing on the grass. I managed to snap only one picture where both of them were attached to their daddy’s legs:

Cutie pies

For dessert Dion made us some coffee and we opened the Woolworths Triple Chocolate dessert. Very, very decadent. I bought two of the desserts thinking one tub might not be enough for all of us, unfortunately it was and Christelle sent the second one home with us We’ll have to eat it at some point! It’s too good to go to waste, but not too good to go to waist! (wah. Look. I made a funny)

We had a really lovely time!

On Sunday when I woke up I had a sore throat and terrible headache. They hung around all day and I decided if I did not feel better on Monday morning when I woke up I would go to the doctor. Luckily this morning (after some vitamins last night) my throat wasn’t quite as sore and the headache was more dull. I don’t know if I caught something from Babyice or if it is as a result of the flu vaccination I got last week, I’m just glad it is starting to get better already. I stopped taking vitamins when I ran out, this was really silly. Since I had Babyice I cannot stop taking vitamins since I get sick all the time. I purchased some more and took one last night and this morning, hopefully this will help.

I’m on leave on Thursday and Friday. Can’t wait!

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March 28th, 2011 | Posted by acidicice

First the good news…I went to gym on Saturday morning and weighed myself. I’ve lost 1.4 kg in the last two weeks! I am now back to my pre-pregnancy weight when weighed with my gym shoes and clothes on That is so super awesome! I am quite happy with this and will wait another two weeks before I weigh myself. Let’s hope I get another nice surprise! My jeans are all hanging off me, which sucks. I need to get a belt. I’ve never worn a belt though, because I deem them uncomfortable. Apparently it’s all about *which* belt you buy…so I guess I’ll have to go belt shopping soon. The ticker on the left has finally moved off of the zero and is now standing at 3.8 kg lost.

I was going to go for Yoga on Saturday morning, but on Friday evening when we were at gym I decided to have a look at the scheduled classes. I changed my mind and decided to try Zumba instead of Yoga so that I can get a feel for which class suits me better. LessofMe enjoyed Zumba (then again, she also enjoys spinning) so it was worth a shot.

Aerobics has a new name people! It’s called Zumba now and includes some boobie shaking and bum wiggling. The instructor was about 10 minutes late and the majority of the class was new. I struggled to keep up with the steps and somehow ended up in the front of the class (while everyone else seemed to remain on their places). I can shake my hips with the best of them, but I just could not remember all the steps and keep up with the pace of the class. As soon as I got the hang of the steps we were doing, it changed to something else. The instructor and one of the regular class attendants made it look effortless, but I was confused a lot of the time. I wasn’t the only confused person, but that didn’t make me feel much better. I definitely worked up a sweat and drank quite a bit of water, but have felt no stiffness or muscle aches since.

For me Yoga is much more effective. In my Yoga class I could feel much more strain on my muscles and woke up sore the next day. I could feel that I had done *something*. Both classes increased my heart rate and worked up a sweat, but I felt a lot less stupid in my Yoga class. I didn’t feel like people were watching me in the Yoga class, where I felt it was a lot more obvious that I was botching up the steps in Zumba. Everyone in Yoga seems to be in their own world and concentrating on their own bodies and space. I suppose the fact that the Zumba class has mirrors for walls doesn’t help much. I’d really much rather not see myself. I also found that Zumba involved a lot of impact on my joints as there is much jumping and stepping from side to side and back to front involved. Yoga is a lot more relaxed and is slower than Zumba is, so you get time to get into the different positions and hold them there. The movements are also a lot less intricate.

So if I had to choose between Yoga and Zumba, I would choose Yoga. I still want to give Pilates a try, but I’ve heard that Pilates is harder than Yoga. Yoga was hard enough, I’m not sure if I’d be able to do Pilates if it’s more difficult! Next Saturday I’m going back to Yoga! Pilates is during the week, so I might consider giving it a try…maybe I’ll nudge myself in that direction.

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March 24th, 2011 | Posted by acidicice

I’ve been missing my grandfather a lot lately. He meant so much to me and he definitely left a big hole in my life.

Oupa and I (photo by Drixus Le Roux)

I know he would have been there for me through so many things and would have been able to give me advice when I needed it. I would have asked him to look at the house we made an offer on before we did for instance.

Anyway. I miss him lots, enough to still cry about it. I hope he is having a wonderful time where he is and that we will be reunited one day, in some way.

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March 23rd, 2011 | Posted by acidicice

Somehow we managed to break Babyice’s fever yesterday after he had been to the doctor. Rudi gave him Panado syrup and some ice cream. We had been giving him Ponstel as I found he responded better to that than Panado when he was feverish before, so we didn’t even try the Panado this time around. That was kind of silly actually. We should have at least *tried* the Panado since the Ponstel doesn’t have paracetemol in it. Not sure whether it was the Panado or ice cream that broke the fever, but that isn’t particularly important. You live and you learn!

After his fever broke he was much more pleasant and happier in general. His appetite still isn’t great, but since he has a throat infection his throat must be very sore. Getting the antibiotics down is quite a struggle. It smells nice, but it definitely doesn’t taste nice. It’s very bitter and for some reason he has to take 10 ml at a time, which is quite a lot of yucky stuff to drink! Then 5 ml of Panado/Ponstan (or both, but I prefer to alternate them four hourly), 2.5 ml of Deselex, 5 Reuturi drops and 50 ml of water mixed with a sachet of powder for his runny tummy. That’s a lot of medicine for such a small boy!

Then what does his daddy do? His daddy confused the sachets and gives him a laxative instead of the runny tummy medicine! *facepalm* Luckily it doesn’t seem to have done any damage and his tummy isn’t runnying badly at all…yet (this happened today while I was at work).

I’m so glad he is feeling better now. I can’t wait till he gets his appetite back. He usually eats very well, so when he doesn’t eat at all it is very worrying.

Thanks for all the messages of support on Twitter and Facebook!

 

Watching TV

Taking over the couch

Playing at Panarottis

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March 22nd, 2011 | Posted by acidicice

My poor baby. We had a terrible weekend with him. I worked the weekend and the public holiday, but luckily there wasn't too much work and I was able to get home quite early.

Last week Thursday the day mother mentioned that Babyice had refused his lunch and after two spoons had thrown up. He drank all his bottles though and ate his lunch later that day, so we weren't very worried. On Saturday his temperature went up a little, but not enough to cause concern (around 37.5 degrees). We took him to the in laws, it was very hot and we thought it would be nice to take him for a swim. He hated it. He just wanted to get out. Other than that he still seemed ok. His appetite still wasn't great, but he was playing and walking around. On Sunday he refused to eat and barely drank. His temperature went up and we started to worry a bit. By Sunday evening we were desperate for him to get some food/fluid in so we tried some jelly and custard. Two small spoons and BLEUGH. He threw up on the carpet

Yesterday he ate a little and drank a little, but had a runny tummy and the fevers started again. We gave him a cool bath and administered a suppository to help with the pain and fever. 30 minutes later his temp had hardly dropped, but after having quite a bit more to drink he fell asleep. This morning at 2:30 am his fever was up to 39. I was holding him in his room in the dark trying to comfort him when it started to rain outside. It was a lovely sound…until I started hearing  tap, tap, tap. Apparently this was a perfect time for the roof to start leaking in his room. Water dripping down the walls not far from his cot. It never rains…but it pours!

This morning when he woke up he was still feverish. We took him through to the day mother, told her about our weekend, packed in some suppositories and asked her to alert us if his condition worsened. I made an appointment at the doctor for him after work and called the day mother a few times to check on him. Just now the day mother's daughter called me to let me know that his fever was up again to 39 and that another suppository had been administered, but it didn't help too much this morning. I called the day mother and she said she thinks it's best to take him to the doctor sooner. Rudi has the car at work, so he went to fetch him. I called the day mother, Rudi, the doctor, my grandmother (who was on standby) and made sure everything was in place so that Rudi could just go and fetch him and take him straight to the doctor who would be waiting for him. I had to sit at work and wait. I hate that. I also hate letting Rudi go alone, because he is like a broken telephone. If you tell Rudi a story and ask him to re-tell it later, it will differ from the story you told him. I needed to let go of my control issues though and let him do this. Since he was the one with the car and is a lot less emotional than I am, it was probably the fastest and best way to get him to the doctor quickly.

The doctor diagnosed a throat infection and prescribed antibiotics, probiotics and various pain medication. I initially thought it was teething since he still only has four teeth. Here is a teething chart sourced from http://www.mychildhealth.net (courtesy of Cazpi):

He only has his central incisors on the top and bottom, so he should get his lateral incisors and first molars soonish (he'll be 14 months on the 2nd of April). His teeth are long overdue, so it was a natural assumption to make. I don't feel as if he is 'behind' or anything like that, it's just frustrating that he struggles to chew food properly with his four tiny teeth. I think he'd have a much easier time if he had some more teeth! I know first hand that teeth can cause throat infections though. When I was a bit younger I had recurring throat infections because of my…wait for it…wisdom teeth! My wisdom teeth were causing an infection in my gum (which I couldn't feel) and I swallowed this infection resulting in my throat getting infected. So perhaps those teeth are still on their way.

Rudi is booked off till Thursday and will be staying at home with Babyice. I wish I could be there with them, but such is the life of a working parent. I hope the antibiotics work quickly. Can't handle seeing my baba in pain for much longer!

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