…this Saturday. Of course this has resulted in me being guilted into spending the day/weekend with her. The guilt trip started early. The last time we went to go visit her a couple of months ago. I’m not sure if I blogged about it or not. Probably not since I was still on maternity leave when that happened. We finally made the trek out to Wellington where she is staying after much nagging and guilt flinging from her. Reluctantly, I went. I never look forward to these trips/seeing her. Even when we speak on the phone I don’t have much to say to her and barely tolerate listening to her because she is mostly telling lies about something or other. I don’t really believe anything she says, so listening to words come out of her mouth is really a waste of time for me. I once tried to sort the truth from the bullshit and nothing fell through the sieve, so I gave up. It’s very much a smile and nod situation with her. I’m basically placating her.
Having a psychopath for a mother? Not so great. Calling her a psychopath might seem harsh to some, but she really does have all the personality traits of one. I know the first thing a person thinks of when they hear the word ‘psychopath’ is ‘serial killer’, but that really isn’t fair. There are many psychopaths living in our society who lead perfectly murder-free lives. You probably know one or might even be related to one without realizing it. Apparently lawyers and CEOs are often psychopaths. It explains a lot. My mother hits almost every one of the personality traits on the head, she’d score high on one of the tests online. I’ve taken one for her. She doesn’t kill people…well, not violently anyway. Slowly. She kills their spirit and then preys on them while they are weak, discarding them at will once they have lost their usefulness. The biggest tell is her lack of remorse. I digress.
She turns 50 this weekend and wants us to come and celebrate with her. She has called me and asked me what we want to eat and whether she can get anything specific for the kids. She is like a kid before Christmas. She can be so very juvenile. It is something I never realized, but now that I am no longer juvenile myself it is easier to see. At some point her husband was trying to organize a party for her. He called me to ask me to invite people, but I never heard from him again after asking him to forward me the details to pass on. Shame. I guess there won’t be a party. I sort of feel sorry for her on the one hand, but on the other, I don’t. You know how your kid’s 21st birthday is supposed to be a big deal? Mine wasn’t. Not even a little bit. I got a cooked Sunday lunch and a home made cake. I suppose that sounds very ungrateful, some people have nothing. My grandmother was involved in the cooking and so forth. I don’t think I got a gift from her either. This transpired during a time they were taking their friends out for dinner regularly and other lavish purchases were made. So for me, there was no interest in making it a special birthday for me. It wasn’t for lack of funds, or due to circumstances. It was simply a lack of interest. Rudi and I were together at the time and my mother’s jealousy of our relationship had already manifested and reared its ugly head. Again, I digress.
So we’re heading over there this weekend. She wants us to stay over for the night. They are living in a guest house type of place. The owner of the guest house took pity on them when they had no place to stay and they have been leeching there ever since. Apparently they help out there in some or other way. It seems to be a semi-permanent arrangement since they have been staying there for a while. I have been asked to lie about her past or about events to benefit them or to further pull the wool over this women’s eyes. Although I have met her, I haven’t found it necessary to lie to her and do not plan to do so. Just the other day my mother said if someone asks where she is I should tell them I do not know. I told her in no uncertain terms that I am not prepared to lie for her or cover her tracks. I am already annoyed that I am receiving e-mails at my work e-mail address from lawyers looking for her in connection with unsettled debts. Not least of which are with my own employer! I contacted them to tell them that their communication is not reaching the intended recipient and supplied her contact number, but the e-mails keep coming. She has apparently arranged a room for us to stay over in. I told her we couldn’t take a room with anything less than a king size bed so that we could all sleep together. PrincessIce sleeps with us anyway and Babyice probably wouldn’t sleep on his own in a strange place. I’m in two minds about staying over though. Who knows? We might get stuck with a bill for the room. I can’t be naive when it comes to my mother. I don’t know what to think. It’s about an hour’s drive out there and it won’t be too bad to make the trip both ways in a day (which is what we did last time), but if Rudi decides to have a few drinks it might be better to stay. Yes, I could drive…but I really don’t like driving long distances. I also don’t feel like packing a whole lot of stuff just to stay overnight. We’d all need pyjamas and outfits for the next day and toiletries. Is it really worth all the trouble? I don’t know. The nice thing about going there is that they have large lawns and places for Babyice to play. He’ll have fun at least.
I’ll post about how the weekend goes.
She asked my grandmother to get her a Bauer pan as a gift. Suggested my aunt could add money. My grandmother discovered the smallest pan costs a whopping R600. She got her a towel bale instead. When I asked my mother what I could get for her she said ‘Oh, you’re getting me a cell phone’. O.o I said ‘Excuse me?! I have two kids and barely two cents to rub together, you ain’t getting no cell phone!’. She laughed as if I had made the funniest joke. She wants an expensive one with Whatsapp and other bells and whistles too. Bugger that. When I asked her again on another occasion, advising her I do not have money (which is the truth) she said I could get her some shower gel or something. Sorted.
Now to plan a mani…