It is utterly amazing how your viewpoints can change as your circumstances do.
A few short months ago I could not go near a baby shop. I would get sulky hearing the pregnant woman at work laughing; bitterly thinking ‘Yes, you have reason to be happy. Just rub it in my face already’. Childish. I know. I was sulky, bitter person for a while. I hated being that way, but I really could not help it. I was resentful.
Now? I can’t walk past a baby shop without going in. I listen to the laughter of the the other pregnant women in the office and smile…all too aware that this would have upset me a while ago. This also makes me think about the people who have been trying to get pregnant so much longer than I did. I honestly didn’t try very long before I was knocked up again. I was jaded by my grief and every passing day without a baby in my womb felt like a million years to me, but realistically we didn’t try for very long.
I know of people that have been trying for anywhere from 1 year to 5 years. Some already have a child/ren, some don’t. I know the heartache I experienced every month when we were unsuccessful, although shortlived it was unbearable. Eventually I decided to stop putting myself and Rudi under a microscope and stop focusing on it. Emotionally I couldn’t do it anymore, it was terrible. I could not imagine having to go through that for a year…or for 5 years. For those of you who have, I take my hat off to you.
On Saturday I finally took my phone in for repairs. It wasn’t unusable, but it was annoying that it kept switching itself off randomly. Leebeesa was kind enough to lend me her spare phone while my phone is in. Unfortunately my phone has been sent to Johannesburg for repairs, apparently it needs a ‘higher level’ of repair than they can manage in Cape Town. This can probably take minimum two weeks. I miss having my phone. I miss being able to connect to the internet when I’m not at work. Plus Leebeesa’s spare phone is her old phone which means the battery life is not what it used to be. I can’t tweet much or play games for too long without it crying out ‘Battery low!’ I used to use Nokia…until I had problems with about 3 consecutive Nokia handsets, I decided to change brands. I now use Sony Ericsson and the one I have now is really the first one I’ve had a problem with. The problem isn’t earth shatteringly service affecting, just annoying so I’m going to let it slide. I just hope they fix it properly the first time. Something that Sony Ericsson allows me to do that Nokia doesn’t is toggle between applications. I can do more than one thing on my phone at the same time which rocks! On the Nokia, let’s say I’m busy checking Facebook, if I get an SMS I have to disconnect the internet, exit the browser and then read the SMS. With my SE I would simply bring up the SMS on top of my browser, read it, reply or whatever and bring up my browser again. No interruptions. This is the extent of my frustration though and I’m lucky to have a phone to use in the meantime.
I am currently totally overwhelmed by Babyice’s impending living quarters. There is currently so much crap stacked in our second bedroom. I’m going to have to do a major overhaul and get rid of a lot of crap that I’ve horded over the years. I’m a sentimental one. I still have letters that we used to pass around in primary school, old diaries and homework books (plastered with magazine pictures, noteable events for any given day, etc). Throw away all my old memories? I’m going to have to let go of a lot of stuff. Currently Babyice has one shelf in our cupboard and it’s stuffed. I’m also going to have to get rid of some old clothes and things to make more space in the cupboard for Babyice’s clothes. *sigh* So much to do! Although I would love to wait for my ‘nesting’ to kick in, I’m afraid to leave it so late.
I have also determined that I can no longer go grocery shopping. Something about being in a shopping centre makes me ill. On Monday Rudi and I went to buy some groceries and I started feeling sick. When we got home I actually got sick, which I haven’t in weeks. It was horrid. I was feeling so terrible (and sorry for myself) that I started crying. Rudi being a man got annoyed with me and didn’t want to believe that I wasn’t feeling well. He was saying things like ‘It’s always when you’re with me, you never “feel sick” when you’re out with your friends’…little did he know that on Saturday when I was with Leebeesa in a shopping centre, by the end of our trip I was green around the gills.
Good news is that our burglar bars are being installed today. My landlady promptly responded to our request for one and by tomorrow I should be able to apply for insurance for our household contents.