So on Tuesday My Evil Mother made another appearance. I got a message from Rudi that she was going to call me and that I should answer because she just wanted to congratulate me. I figured my grandmother must of told her that we’re pregnant. I let the phone ring, unsure of whether I should pick it up. A daughter answering a call from her mother really shouldn’t be this difficult. I answered. She congratulated me and said she was excited and asked how we were. She then started talking about leaving her husband and getting her act together. This is usually the point where I switch off. I’ve heard it all before and usually they are just empty words. I was getting emotional on the phone (damn pregnancy hormones!) so I asked her to rather e-mail me the next day and that we could talk. Here is what transpired. Her e-mails are in blue and mine in purple:
Hope you are well. I have missed you sooo much and am overjoyed that I
could at least speak to you yesterday. Always remember that you are
the only child I will ever have and I would like to be your mother.
I am so happy for you and Rudi re your pregnancy. Babyice will be the head
of the family children and I am sure will fulfill his role. How is he doing?
Has he started giving you grey hairs yet? I miss him so much. I have
his photo on my desk and look at it all the time. I would just also
like to have a photo of you and Rudi to put next to Babyice’s.
I don’t know whether you will allow me to see you guys sometime and if
so, when could I see you.
Remember that I love you endlessly.
I’ve been very sad about you lately. I really miss all the good things about you and spending time with you, but the bad starting overtaking the good so much that it was unbearable. I would like to have a relationship with you again, but for that I need to be able to trust you. I think I will only be able to trust you after you have proven that you really have changed. Talk is cheap. You need to take action and you need to do it by yourself. Once you have started standing on your own two feet and removed yourself from the situation you have gotten yourself into, we can start to work on moving forward.
People really misunderstand the reason I am not talking to you. I think that includes you. I cannot bear to see how you have thrown your life away and then be made to feel guilty because I cannot fix it for you. In recent years most contact that I have had with you has led to tears, guilt and fights. I really do not need all those negative things around me and my family. I need to protect myself and them. I can only be a good wife and mother if I am healthy, emotionally and physically.
I hope that you will finally start to make the right decisions and to uplift yourself. I hope that you will pull yourself through and not rely on anyone else to fix the mess you have created. You CAN do it. You just have to want it badly enough.
I promise you, if you sort yourself out and get your life back on track, you will get your family back. Once you have sorted yourself out and no longer burden everyone else with your problems, everything will change. I honestly hope that you will do this. We all miss you, but at the moment we are afraid to let you into our lives because it always ends up costing us something and none of us can afford it, whether it is a financial or emotional toll.
Thank you for the congratulations. We are very excited and a little nervous about the new addition. Especially since we know how much hard work it is and how expensive it is. I will be trying to remain calm and eliminate as much stress from my daily life as possible with this pregnancy, as I needed to do with Babyice. I am also especially happy for Babyice. Like you said yesterday, I know what it is like to grow up alone and I never wanted that for him.
I have attached a picture of the 3 of us for you.
Wishing you all the best…and success in picking yourself up.
That was a tear jerker.
I hear what you are saying and that is exactly what I am doing now. I plan to leave the a-hole as soon as I get paid. I need to find a place, but don’t know where to look. I am going to look on gumtree for a start. Please pray that there is something for me there.
I am going to rent a car from uncle Joe for now. I need to have worked at one company for three months before I can buy a car.
I went for the 2nd interview at L yesterday and am waiting for Marc to mail me my letter of appointment. I am very excited because that is going to assist me in my moving on.
How long will I have to wait to see you guys?
I think gumtree is your best bet. Keep looking every day. Persist until you succeed. Never give up.
We can continue to talk and when I feel ready I will let you know. Really miss your cooking too.
I am excited that there may be a future for us. I am hopeful that you will turn it all around x
I suppose we can just hope for the best. I think I might be particularly vulnerable at the moment, but I most certainly am not stupid. I will keep my distance until she has made drastic improvements in her life. I am not unreasonable. I just want to protect myself and my family. I try to encourage her and that is as much as I can do.