As it stands, the end of the year is nigh, another year has flown past and Christmas is around the corner . This has been a very different year for me. It’s been almost a year now since Rudi and I separated too, which is some sort of milestone, I guess. Perhaps a milestone of me being alone for that period of time. It took some adjustment. It took me months to get used to sleeping alone. Sleeping next to a partner was something I really enjoyed and I missed it in the beginning. I don’t think I remember what it is like anymore, because the longing has completely gone away. At this point I’m enjoying my (limited) independence. I still always need to take the children into consideration since they are always with me.
There have been times where I have wanted to go out and wanted to let my hair down, but did not because they are my first priority. I don’t have family that are capable of caring for them if I need some time off. On occasion asked a friend to watch them, for instance when I had an overnight team building at work recently.
I have a little bit of leave coming up, but I will be hosting a house guest during that time and will likely not be resting much. My leave is the week before Christmas too, so the usual pressured Christmas arrangements will also be keeping me busy. I have a few things done, but I am still going to have to cram in last minute things regardless. Rudi and I have decided to spend Christmas together so that the children will have both parents present on Christmas Day. I wasn’t very comfortable with the idea at first, but decided to suck up any reservations I have since I want them to have a special Christmas, even if Rudi and I are no longer together. The children seem to have adapted well to the separation, but at times I can tell it has affected them more than they let on. It is not helpful that they cannot see him often either, but I do my best to make them feel secure and loved.
Elijah has excelled in school this year, despite the adjustment at home. He did very well and I am more than happy with his results. He’ll be off to Grade 2 next year and Gabby will be starting pre-grade R. I cannot believe they are almost both in primary school. If anything is going to make you feel old as fuck, it’s this.
This time of year is always extra stressful for me. Just as I’ve come off from Death Month, it’s Christmas. 8 days after Christmas it’s Gabby’s birthday. Mid January it’s back to school…stationery shopping, school uniforms, suitcases, etc. On the 2nd of February it’s Elijah’s birthday. I’ve had a rough year financially, compounded by the seemingly endless car problems I was facing. I am hoping I will scrape through this year without a heap of debt.
Forgive me if I don’t manage to blog again till after the festive season. I hope you all have a happy and safe festive season!