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It is almost my birthday…

…and I’m totally bummed that I’m not looking forward to it at all.


I used to love my birthday. A day just for me. I didn’t have to share it with anyone. Of course there was usually someone who would try to make the day special for me. Rudi doesn’t do Valentine’s Day, he didn’t know Women’s Day existed until I told him I will be working a week ago, we don’t exchange gifts on our anniversary and it seems the same goes for my birthday in our house. Rudi might get me a pricey gift, but only if I’ve dragged him to the shop and pointed at it. Never any surprise, never any effort. Hrrrmph.┬áThis year even my grandmother won’t be able to make it since she is staying by her sister till after her 60th birthday which is on the 8th of August (mine is on the 4th). My grandmother would at the very least bake me a cake. That would make me feel special.


My grandmother decided the rest of the family (my aunt, her husband and son) would come over to my place for a braai/potjie or whatever on my birthday. Rudi fell in with this, it’s right up his ally. I don’t like potjie. Nobody asked me what I want to do. Or if I want to do anything. I feel like I’m being a birthday grinch. Am I just ruining it for myself? My expectations are low because they have never been met and I’d rather just not expect anything. I don’t mean lavish gifts. I mean small thoughts. Small gestures. Just something that shows me that someone gives a shit. I always enjoy reading the birthday messages on Twitter/Facebook or the ones I receive on Whatsapp or via text. Those special thoughts just means that someone who didn’t have to remembered me on my birthday.


Is it childish to want to feel special on your birthday? Maybe.


Also, this year we don’t have any extra money. We’re actually short of money this month. Not only because we have a new baby in the house, but because Rudi just took his EC (code 14) driving test and had to pay for lessons and truck rental on the day. He passed! In the bigger picture this is fantastic because he has opened new doors for himself and new earning potential which will affect our household and family in a positive way. In the short term it means that I don’t even necessarily have spare cash to buy a cake for the braai I’m not sure about having. No. I can’t bake a cake. Even if I was able to make a cake that didn’t have a ditch in the center, I would still have to buy ingredients I don’t have…at which point I might as well have bought a cake since it will probably be cheaper. Actually…don’t have enough money for cake. Maybe I could get a cupcake and stick a candle in it. Sorry for my guests, only the birthday girl gets cake.


We’ll probably have the braai. My aunt has said she’ll bring a salad, some baby potatoes, chips and cooldrink. Catered. I’ll get us a garlic bread and no cake.