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Horrible Hair

I am having a terrible time with my hair. I have been for a while. I suppose I’ve been in denial about it for a long time. I’ve always had gorgeous, thick hair. I was a platinum blonde when I was a little girl, but as I got older my hair settled onto a dark ash blonde. My natural colour is horrible. It is bland, boring and literally looks ashen. From a young age I started highlighting my hair and everyone has always complimented me on my blonde hair. I’m a Leo, my hair is my mane, my crowning glory. It is also one of my few features that I am proud of. Not anymore.

Just over two years ago I decided to make my hair darker. I made it darker and darker until eventually it was black. I loved the way my hair looked when it was dark. It looked healthy and shiny. The majority of people said they preferred me with blonde hair. They said that the dark hair hardened my features. Eventually I decided that I would start the process of going back to blonde by highlighting my hair.

Since then I have never been 100% happy with my hair. my hair has always been different colours at the top and bottom where my roots have grown out. After the last time I went to have my hair done the bottom of my hair has been fried, beyond repair. I’ve been regularly applying masks and treatments which have made little to no difference. I’ve already cut a lot of my hair off, but it’s just not enough. My hair is also strange colours at the bottom. Ranging from pink to orange. There are even some black strands still hiding in there.

On Tuesday I have a hair appointment with Leebeesa’s hairdresser. Apparently he is sought after and not just anybody gets to see him. I am not sure what to expect. I am actually embarrassed about the current state of my hair. Even if this man is a miracle worker, I doubt he’ll be able to magically fix my hair in one appointment and I can only afford to have my hair done once every 3 months. I don’t even know what to suggest to him. Some days I feel like shaving it all off and starting over, but I could never pull that off.

A fleeting moment of madness had me considering a chinese bob, which is very short. It would certainly solve my problem and all the damage would be gone, but I think I’d look terrible. I have a round face and I’m heavy set. Short hair has never looked good on me. I had short hair when I was young and I couldn’t pull it off. The chinese bob would probably require styling that I would somehow need to work into my schedule.

I don’t normally style my hair. I am a wash and go kind of girl. I have also been avoiding the hair dryer like the plague to try and stop damaging my hair even further. I also cannot blow dry my hair with a brush. I just don’t have the coordination for it! I end up banging my head with the hair dryer, brushing my face and giving up. For a long while now I have just worn my hair up, damage mostly out of sight.

I find a flat iron easier to use, but this hairdresser already said the flat iron I have is so bad I might as well iron my hair with a regular iron (I have a Babyliss flat iron with ceramic plates). He is a GHD advocate, since it conditions your hair while you straighten. I’m not sure if I want to spend R2000.00 on something that I already have and I don’t exactly have money lying around.

I considered extensions, but one tweet on the subject quickly convinced me that it wasn’t a good idea. Almost every response I received said it would do more harm than good and it also costs a fortune (would at the very least pay for a GHD).

I’m at my wits end. I can’t shave it all off. I can’t cut it short. I can’t cut it off and put extensions in. I can’t stand it anymore. Catch 22 much?!

So depressed about this!