It is that time of the year again. Where celebrations of Diwali and Guy Fawkes happen around the country, but where our family takes some time out to celebrate Jamie’s birthday.
Today used to be an extremely sad day for me. It would loom for weeks and I would spend the good part of the day in tears, but time has brought healing to my heart. I no longer dread the 5th of November. Being blessed with two beautiful children has helped the healing process. I am ever grateful for that, but Jamie will not be forgotten. She was the one that started it all and the one who shifted my mind into mother mode, paving the way for her future siblings. Before Jamie I did not yearn for a child. I didn’t particularly want children, but Rudi did. Jamie opened up my heart to the possibility of being more than just who I was, to being a mother and set my biological clock to ticking.
I can’t speak of her personality or post a photo of her and sometimes I wonder if it is easier to have no living memories of her, all I can say is how she changed my life. She made me realize how strong and resilient I can be. She taught me that I can make hard decisions and that I can put my faith in God. She awakened the mother in me.
Now she is with my grandfather and I know that they would not want me to be sad. They would want me to be happy and pour my love into our family. That is exactly what I will do.
I can’t believe it has been 5 whole years since the most traumatic day of my life. 5 years that have been filled with tears, sadness, joy and laughter. Blessed with two beautiful new souls to care for. Jamie will always hold a special place in my heart for the role she played in my life and we will never forget her.
Happy birthday, angel x