Last night I had a nightmare about the scan. They found something wrong. Again. It was horrible. When I woke up from the dream I was relieved that it hadn’t happened, but the fear was there. The seed had been planted.
I was nervous all morning and by the time I left work for the scan my heart was racing and I felt positively terrified. I tried to buck up and be positive, but it really is hard. I miss being ignorant and excited. There was nothing for it but plunging straight ahead though and we headed off to the doctor’s office. Strangely enough, it doesn’t hold terrible memories for me. I don’t associate it with bad things, even though I sat in that waiting room crying my heart out waiting to see the doctor for the first time. Waiting to see what is wrong with our baby. She is also the doctor that did my amniocentesis. Yet when I walked in there it didn’t bring back any bad memories. I actually relaxed a little because the office was warmed up nicely by the air conditioning. It is bloody freezing here today. We waited, I joked with Rudi about him only looking at the pictures in the Afrikaans magazines and we were called in without waiting too long.
Dr. Steyn is a lovely woman. She is really down to earth. She always made me feel comfortable and at ease. She is Afrikaans and just has a way about her. I lay down and it was the moment of truth. She asked a few questions about previous pregnancies and had a squiz at my file. She asked how old Babyice is now and remarked how the time flies. She looked at Jamie’s file as well. She started scanning and everything looks perfect! We have fingers and toes, a tummy full of fluid, brain and spine all looking good. I was so relieved. Of course Rudi asked at the beginning of the appointment what the gender is. While she was still taking measurements she had a peek and said ‘I think I know what this is…’, but left it there till she was done. She checked for signs of downs syndrome, but found the bridge of the nose and also found the neck to be 100%. She then looked a little more and said we are…
I teared up. I am so happy. It’s what Rudi and Babyice wanted. Of course I have been saying since day one I have no preference to the gender of the baby, as long as the baby is healthy. The way it made me feel though, leads me to believe that deep down inside I might have desired a girl, after all. Every time I tell someone I can feel myself choking up, fighting back the tears of joy. How incredibly lucky are we? I feel extremely blessed. I asked her if she thinks it “might” be girl and she said ‘No, I am sure. Willing to bet on it’. She did correctly predict Jamie and Babyice’s genders, so I guess she knows her stuff.
Here are some scan pictures, you can’t see very much, but you can see there’s a whole little human being there:
Sorry about the shine, but I don’t have a scanner to scan these in, so I need to take photos of the pictures and they’re printed on shiny paper.
Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers that have been sent our way. Our hearts are filled with happiness and gratitude x
13 weeks tomorrow!