acidicice

Fatigued

Forking hell I am tired. TIRED. Exhausted. Not awake. It’s always this way in the afternoon. I thought once we start going to gym it would get better, but it never did. Even when I was doing up to two gym sessions a day. While I was on leave I was okay, but by Sunday having worked two half days and trying to juggle family/housework/work and physical demands from the husband…I was drained all over again. As if I hadn’t had a one day of rest.

 

WHY?! WHY?!

 

Yes, I am busy, but so is everybody else. A lot of people do a lot more than I do and aren’t this tired. Yes I am carrying extra weight around and that does take it’s toll, but I don’t remember ever being this tired in my life (other than when I was pregnant) and I’m lighter now than I previously was. I am also older than I was before, but I’m 30. I feel like I’m 90!

 

I don’t get quality sleep at all and if I could have afternoon naps that would be okay. My sleep is constantly broken. Babyice is back to waking up every night and often has a bottle during the night now again. Believe it or not, Rudi has fucked up the sleep training again. AGAIN. I am NOT re-doing it. What’s the point? He is just going to mess it up again. Even though I don’t get up as much for Babyice anymore (I have Rudi do it now since he was the one that messed up the sleep training in the first place), once I have been woken up I struggle to go back to sleep. Sometimes it takes me an hour or more. It is SO frustrating. Rudi just nods right back off and I lie staring at the ceiling. Fuck you very much Thank you, Rudi. This might be a contributing factor, right? RIGHT.

 

Admittedly we have been slacking at going to gym. We skipped a whole two weeks before going again on Monday. I wanted to go this evening again (feeling guilty much?), but Rudi doesn’t feel like going because he came in after midnight last night from darts. I don’t like going to gym alone. I really prefer when we all go together.  Rudi and I “compete” at certain things and it is much more fun than going all by myself. It should actually be easier to go now since we put Babyice to bed later because it is still light outside at 19:00 and this buys us a little more time in the evenings. BUT…BUT…who wants to go to gym when you feel like you have bowling balls hanging from your top eyelashes?

 

It’s not just about being lazy. It really isn’t. Although I dreaded going on Monday, I actually enjoyed my workout. I know if I get myself there I usually enjoy going. I’m just so effing TIRED ALL THE TIME. I know I have to go and I don’t NOT WANT TO go…I just don’t have the energy!

 

I don’t know what to do. I finished the 3 month course of iron tablets my doctor recommended and I did notice a very small improvement when I was taking them (miniscule really), so I don’t think it’s a deficiency in that department that is causing my fatigue. I had a big Vitamin B Complex shot in the bum yesterday. No difference. Right now I’m feeling tired enough to cry about it. I wish I could figure this out.

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