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Death Month

November is fast approaching. It’s my death month. August is a birthday month, not only for me, but we have 5 close relatives with birthdays in August. November, is the month of death.


Jamie was born and died on the 5th of November. This year it will be 3 years since that day. On the 17th of November last year my grandfather passed away. I cannot believe that it has almost been a year since it happened.


I feel like I have put Jamie’s death behind me. It almost feels like it happened a very, very long time ago.¬†I feel like I have healed and moved forward in my life. I suppose¬† a year after her death I was still raw and tender. It’s the same with my grandfather. Just today while sitting in the dentist’s chair he asked me the significance of my Livestrong bracelet. I teared up telling him that I wear it in memory of my grandfather. I have never taken it off. My grandfather could no longer wear it because the morphine was causing things to irritate him (touch, smell, sound) and I told him I would wear it for him. I am still wearing it. The last few days I’ve been emotional. Thinking about him and missing him.


Before he died my grandfather said to me he wants to give me something that is a reminder of him, because he knows I’ll forget him and will never think of him. I don’t know how he ever could have thought that. He had a profound impact on my life and meant a lot to me. I will never forget that. I will never forget what a rolemodel he was. He intentionally created beautiful memories with me as a child. I think about him all the time. I hope he knows that.


Recently I had a little chat with Solly Philander on Twitter about my grandfather:





I thought it was very sweet of him to talk to me and I hope that somewhere that made my grandfather’s heart happy. My grandmother proposed we scatter my grandfather’s ashes around the one year anniversary of his death. We were meant to do it a lot sooner, but I suppose it’s a good time to remember him. She has had a lot on her plate the last year and hasn’t really had a chance to settle down properly since his death. She is finally getting there now.


Did I ever tell you that he requested to be cremated with this letter in his pocket? Reading that letter now again just had me in tears. I meant every word of it and a sincerely hope that he is at peace.