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Dear Jamie

Hello angel.

I can’t believe it’s been a year since you were born and went to heaven. Sometimes it seems like it all happened yesterday. Sometimes it feels like it happened 10 years ago. Time is slippery, isn’t it?

Mommy misses you and still thinks about you all the time.  I really think that you are much happier where you are now than you would ever have been here with us. I know you understand we knew it would be best to send you to heaven. Our world held nothing but pain and suffering for you and we did not want you to go through that.

Mommy regrets never holding you. I’m sorry I was such a coward, but my heart couldn’t bear it at the time. In hindsight I would have held you, if only just once. I don’t want you ever to think that I didn’t hold you because I don’t love you. I always will. You will be in my heart forever, until I get to see you again. I’ll hold you then for the longest time. I promise.

I’m sure you know it’s almost time for your brother to be with us. Aunty Nellie thinks you picked him out specially for mommy and daddy. In a few short months he will be here keeping us out of mischief. We are very excited about meeting him. We’re doing our best to prepare for his arrival…as best we know how. We don’t know very much, but we have lots of friends and family that are more than willing to help us along…and of course we have you. I just know you will help mommy…move my instincts in the right direction and guide me.

We are doing much better than we were a year ago, although our hearts are still healing. Today will be a sad day for us and perhaps one day this time of year will be less sad.

This hasn’t exactly been one of the best letters I’ve ever written, but you understand that it has been the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write. Next year I’ll try to write a better one.

Loving you and missing you always,

Mommy

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