I said I’d discuss the thing that I’ve been doing.
I’ve been…collecting memories of my grandfather.
I love both my grandparents dearly, but I realise that sometime in my lifetime they won’t be there anymore. Just thinking about it makes my guts knot up.
I have been deliberately building up momentos and doing things with them to build up a store of comforting things I can refer to when they are no longer here.
For instance, my grandfather loves buying me books. He bought me a book for my birthday last year with quotations. He asked if he could read it first and I let him because he’d also purchased another book for me to read in the meantime. I asked him to make notes in the margins and mark the quotations he liked. Looking back on this I will be able to reflect his thoughts on things when he is no longer here.
Is it wrong to plan for the day people are no longer here? Is it wrong to consciously think of this? Am I compromising my time with them now? I don’t think so. I’m actually increasing the frequencies of my visits with them and making sure they are filled with good memories. I know this makes them happy.
I suppose I’m really just asking if I’m nuts.