FAIL
*SCREAM*
I am so frustrated. I’ll blog about my weekend away later.
Rudi has gone and fucked up the sleep training good and proper again. You know, I’m really trying to stop swearing, but sometimes the occasion just calls for it. Like now. Please refer to my previous post: Rudi Ruiner.
The night before last Babyice woke up again and Rudi went to him again. I could tell he was already getting tired of getting up every time he cries. He brought this up briefly yesterday, but I put my foot down, I said I am not getting up for him and that it is now officially Rudi’s problem. I think he displayed dissatisfaction, but i ignored it. He mentioned things like:
- What if he has a cramp?
- What if he is cold?
- What if he doesn’t get back into bed and sleeps on the floor in the cold?
- What if we don’t check on him and find him dead the next morning? (something I AM actually scared of)
…and and and. Excuse after excuse. In the summer there will be another excuse. *sigh*.
Yesterday afternoon Babyice didn’t get his way with something and threw another epic tantrum. This child carries on like he is possessed. I swear. It is incredible to watch and difficult to bear. Rudi even joined me in boycotting his tantrum for a short while. He then went back to try and console him or calm him down and then ended up walking away again with a “Fuck you”. I really don’t like it when we swear at him. It is completely unacceptable. There are times that you completely lose control and don’t know what else to do. I suppose it is our way of expressing *our* frustration at that moment in time. We need to change this! Eventually he calmed down and the rest of the evening was uneventful.
He went to sleep with no protest or problem. Rudi put him to bed as I was busy talking to someone who needed some advice. We went to bed and everything was wonderful…until about 01:34. Babyice woke up and started crying. The crying quickly escalated into screaming and went on and on and on. After a few minutes Rudi got up (since I refused to). The screaming and tantrum continued. He coughed from all the snot this was producing, threatening to throw up. Sound familiar? Yes. Life before sleep training. Welcome back to the dark days. The tantrum continued for 15 minutes or so…maybe 20. Rudi gave up and brought him to our bed. I got up and went to lie in Babyice’s bed. Rudi came to tell me that I was being childish and that he was going to divorce me becuase I’m ‘being like this’. Eventually I relented and went back to bed. Rudi thought it might be mature to then squidge him and Babyice up on a quarter of the bed so I could have some space. I didn’t protest. Not long after that Babyice was fast asleep and kicking me repeatedly. I complained and eventually Rudi took him back to his own bed where he slept happily for the rest of the night. Apparently Babyice is now also climbing onto his bed bumper, which is potentially dangerous, but not a reason to get up for him.
Rudi and I were so pissed off with each other this morning that we didn’t speak a word to each other in the car and did not even kiss each other goodbye. This bull is seriously causing a rift between us. I insist, however, that sleep training is the right way to go. Rudi reckons that this is something that will go away with time and that I will regret not allowing Babyice to sleep with us when he gets older and no longer wants to. I spoke to him this morning via BBM (sometimes it is easier when the tone of what you are trying to say is difficult to interpret). He still feels that we need to give Babyice free reign on our sleeping time. He thinks he will hurt himself. I’ve told him we can work around the bed bumper issue by taking it down and placing pillows on the floor next to the bed in case he does fall off. It is easy for us to distinguish between his I’ve-hurt-myself-cry and his I-want-attention-cry.
It looks like sleep training will have to be started practically from scratch again. I don’t want to do it. How do I know I won’t be wasting my time AGAIN? I think Rudi needs to do it, but I’m not sure if he has the backbone to see it through.
WHAT TO DO?!
Oh man!
(((hugs)))
Rudi seriously needs to get with the program. Could he not see how good it was going and that it may be tough but its worth it?
Taking the bumper down and putting pillows is a good idea, you can also put a thin pillow under the edge of the mattress (between the mattress and base) so that the edge is angled upwards, then he cant roll out.
As for the checking that he is hurt or Gd forbid dead, let him scream it out then go check on him when he is quiet. as long as he is screaming he is alive and well…
((((hugs))))
I agree with everything that Gina has said, and then some. It is NOT RIGHT that you let BabyIce infringe on (a) your personal sleep space and (b) your alone time with Rudi. As much as you want to kill him right now! I have heard about toddlers, well, young children of 4 or 5 years old who STILL DO NOT SLEEP on their own and who are unable to fall asleep on their own. Does Rudi understand that this could potentially be your life if he doesn’t stick to the plan and make the change? Co-sleeping is fine, so long as BOTH parents are happy with it. If it causes a problem between a husband and wife then it’s exactly that: A PROBLEM. I agree with Gina, let him scream it out. Check on him when he is quiet. You will hear him if he vomits. It’s not right that you and Rudi are now fighting because of BabyIce’s behaviour. Stick to the plan. Also, chat to @SharonVW. She did sleep training with her baby girl and hasn’t looked back. It has to be done!!!
We haven’t moved Ava to a bed yet, however, one of our friends suggested an ingenious way of avoiding worrying that they will fall out and hurt themselves. They suggested that we don’t put the base of the bed in, just the mattress, straight onto the floor until falling out is no longer and concern or until they’re used to the bed.
I think we will probably try this way.
As for the sleep training, my hubbie and I were also not on the same page. And one night, in the middle of an almighty sream-a-thon when hubbie wanted to get up and go to her, I told him in no uncertain terms that if he continued to do that, getting up for her in the night would remain his responsibility till such time as she started sleeping properly, whether that took another month or another 4 years, I stated categorically I would NOT get up if he ruined my efforts. He got silent after that and continued to lie there, a few minutes later she went back to sleep and it’s as if that long session taught her that we were not going to rush in there constantly. She has been sleeping through ever since.
Having said that, on the odd occasion that she does cry, I will go in, check that she’s not too hot or too cold or sick and then leave again straight away and we have no problems.
Hang in there, it’s hell but so worth it.
As a side note, my husband and I have never fought as much as what we have since having a child!
We always had to rock Aaron to sleep and now he won’t go to sleep on his own unless we are sitting with him. Its a pain in the butt (although I use the time to read to him and then catch up on my own reading when he falls asleep). We’re doing things a little differently with Faith so it will be interesting to see whether she goes to sleep on her own when she is older.
It sucks that you guys are fighting over this but it is hectic trying to get them to sleep and get some sleep yourself. We’ve certainly had different views about our kids sleeping and its so easy to forget we’re trying to achieve the same thing – get our kids to sleep! Getting there isn’t easy and I have cleaned up so much vomit I have a 10 minute process for stripping the bed, changing Aaron and getting him back into a clean bed.
I never would have guessed this was part of the job when we decided to have kids! Still, there are so many good things about having kids and it does seem to get easier with the little ones and their sleep.
I have a slightly different take on this.
Children are crafty little shits. He is using the fact that you and Rudi are not on the same page to his advantage and you might have many more sleepless nights until you guys come to an agreement.
I’m a firm believer in sleeptraining, but my Husband is the calm one and takes over when I get too pissed off. As long as your kids know that the sleep training is coming from a place of love and not perceived rejection you will pull it off. I used to battle with feeling like I was rejecting them, but deep down they do know that you love them.
Also: I have friends who have tried and failed at sleeptraining because the one’s little girl just used to vomit all over the show and the other’s little boy ended up having a medical condition.
We do the best we can, but sometimes we need to wooosaaaa and back away slowly.
All the best!
Hugs mama, I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
Sorry. Me again.
I was thinking about your post last night and I remembered that we used some ideas from a book called “Toddler Taming” that worked quite well. I probably still have the book if you would like to borrow it?
I’m not a “by-the-book” parent, but that book really helped!
Lady, I commend you for your patience – with both your child and your husband. While being a single mom is by no means a walk in the park, when I read things like this I realise that, in some respects it’s easier. I make decisions when it comes to my child and that’s it. The end. The downside is, I suppose, that I have no one to share the burden with should I end up with a knife wielding heroin addict. But that aside, I think you’re doing brilliantly and you should get back on the sleep training train as soon as possible.