October 29th, 2010 | Posted by acidicice

Sjoe. This one is a tough one. It is so much easier for me to critisize myself than to think of one thing I love about myself.


If I really have to think about it and pick something that stands out for me, it would have to be my inner strength. I understimate it. I doubt it. I don’t believe it exists, yet time and time again I weather the storm and come out again on the other side.


I have been through some really, really shitty stuff in my life. Abuse in almost all it’s forms. Rape. Losing a mother (who is still alive). Losing what would have been my first born child and currently watching my role model and hero waste away before my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve thought about ending it all more than once since I was a teenager and I do struggle to cope. I go through the rough patches kicking and screaming, but I go through them and then I pick myself up and I carry on.


There are times that I sit in a heap and feel sorry for myself. There are times that I don’t cope, but I always put it all back together again and move on. I’m not one to hold a grudge. I don’t forget. Once bitten and all that.


There was a day that I sat back and reflected on all the things I’d been through. All the things some people don’t make it through and realized I am much stronger than I give myself credit for. I need to remember that.