My Grandfather…
…is still dying. He is feeling horrible. He is in pain every day. He is weak, nauseous and tired all the time. He barely gets out of bed. Anyone who knows my grandfather will tell you he is a vibrant, active man. He is most definitely not himself. He is very depressed and cries a lot. He barely eats because of how he feels, which is obviously not helping matters. He has been to see his doctor and they have advised him all these symptoms are normal. All they can do is manage his pain. They could not tell him how long they think he has left. It’s anybody’s guess.
I was speaking to him last night and he was telling me how he was planning his funeral. As a priest he has planned many church services before, but this one is different, of course. He is planning which hymns he would like the choir to sing, which hymns he would like the congregation to sing. No wonder he is depressed. He has decided he doesn’t want a coffin at the funeral. He says he has conducted too many funeral services where he has to watch the family break down as the coffin drives away in the hearse. He doesn’t want that. Bless him. He is naive. He wants to spare us that, but does not realize that we will most likely break down anyway. I went to the funeral of my aunt’s mother in law last week. It was so sad to see the family suffer, to watch them grieve. I was sitting there thinking about how I would in their position soon. It was heart wrenching.
My grandmother has been trying to contact Hospice to find out if they can make use of their services. The twat at Hospice isn’t returning her calls. This is all very worrying. I can’t help but feel that time is running out for my grandfather, fast. We spoke about something at the end of August and he said “That is a bit late for me”. My cousin is coming from the UK in September for a visit, when I told him this he said “Oops” – implying that it would be too late.
It’s all so difficult to come to terms with. I find myself randomly bursting into tears at the thought of losing him. We’ve decided to go and see him as much as possible…also allowing him time with Babyice who brings him much joy. He got a model of a Tomcat aeroplane for his birthday which he intended to build for Babyice’s room. He is not up to doing it and has Rudi to come and build the model at his house so he can help him and watch the progress (also a ploy to get us to spend more time there).
I am going to break when the time comes. He has been a father to me. The only reliable, trustworthy and constant male role model in my life. I have wonderful childhood memories with him and I wish that Babyice could have the same thing. It looks like that is not on the cards though. This is going to be difficult. One of the most difficult things I will have to do. It’s right up there with losing our baby.
I’m going to miss him. I love him so much.
….and now I can’t talk about it anymore.
((((((hugs)))))))) just ((((((((hugs))))))))))
big big hugs. I know you feel powerless, I know this feeling so damn well. I am holding your hand. Please, please, don’t be afraid to bug Hospice. The way this is sounding, your grandfather needs constant pain relief now. And they need to come and see him and assess if and when they can take him in.
Which is the hospice nearest to you? Mail me and maybe I can help. Its what i do for a living!
big love xxxx
I’m really sorry to hear about this difficult time you and your family find yourselves in. You are all in my prayers “hugs”
Hugs and Kisses! Being powerless sucks. Try keep strong…..
It is so difficult watching someone’s last days/weeks/months and trying to act strong (sometimes you dont need to all the time though because if you are trying to be strong for them then they feel they have to be strong for you). We are going through the same with my husbands sister.
I agree with Cath get on Hospices case he needs them now, the pain and indignity of it can become unbearable – they are a great help and comfort to my SIL and mom in law who is staying with her to help her and with her children.
Hugs Heather – i know about losing parents suddenly, I would hate to watch them going slowly – you are in my thoughts. Spend time with him, love him and treasure these memories.
xx
Hugs my friend. I understand your frustration with Hospice they are farking useless. Idiots called me back (after leaving countless messages) about a month after Keith died. When I told them all I got was “oh dear, well sorry about that then” – end of conversation. Don’t rely on them, rely on people around you who are showing support and speak to your Grandad’s Dr about getting him pain relief.
Strongs to you and hugs and more hugs and lots of love xxxx
sending your lotsa strength and prayers i know its not very easy. regarding memories make as many as possible and keep those memories alive. went through the same thing when we lost fil my daughter was very young (only a couple of months) but we had photos of them done as well and she knows now that her grandpa is up in heaven whatching over her every day. its really hard to watch them @ their worst so try keep strong and keep all the good memories alive!
Oh hunny! I’m sending lots of hugs and kisses your way! I know what you’re going through considering my grandfather passed away in April. All I can advise is spend as much time as you can with him now. My thoughts are with you… *HUGS*
Lots of love and hugs.
I’m sorry hun…it must be awful seeing someone you love go through that.
hey beautiful,
i can’t beging to imagine what you’re going through right now. but know that you guys are in my thoughts.
love and hugs to all of you
Oh it’s tough – love to you girl.
I worked as a hospice nurse please please tell me if i can help even just give advice about medication and stuff. Please don’t let a receptionist at the front desk stop you guys getting the help you need, ask to speak to the nursing services manager for home care and get a palliative care nurse to come out and help.
While there might not be treatment help there is a lot that can be done to make him feel heaps more comfortable, he does not need to feel sick and in pain.
I am round the corner and am here when you need advice or just to come and cry.
((hugs))
Oh my… you and I are in such similar places right now. Me with my dad and you with your grandfather.
Every word echoes in my head as if I wrote it myself, except that for my dad its not cancer, its his kidneys.
Big hugs girl. I too think I am going to be a wreck when the time comes. Thankfully my daddy darling has some good days, and I am truly hoping my wedding will be one of them… but its so up and down.
Hugs and prayers.