Childbirth
Childbirth is something I never thought I would have to deal with, yet I find myself standing between 2 and 3 weeks away from it. This thought kept me awake last night. When I was younger I never wanted to be married. I never wanted kids. I wasn’t the little girl with the baby doll pretending to be a mommy. Having a family of my own is not something I yearned for. I don’t know exactly what I thought I wanted, because like most other woman I wanted to be validated. I craved the attention and affections of men and sought them. Of course I wanted one of them to want me just for himself, forever. Of course I wanted committment, so without acknowledging it I wanted to be married.
What I did not realize at the time was that the person who would be willing to commit to me might want children. I must have thought to myself that children are something that men don’t want. After all, the last thing they want to do is get a woman pregnant so they would ‘have’ to marry her. There is no such thing as needing an heir nowadays…so if a couple has a child it must be because the woman wants one. Clearly there were a lot of things I did not understand back then. A magnitude of things.
So back then I never thought I would have to deal with childbirth. When I started growing up I still didn’t want children, but had resigned myself to saying if it should happen there would be no way I was pushing it out. C section for me! Yet today…I am waiting for my baby to decide to come.
Rudi wanted children from the time we met. I knew this from the night we became inseparable. If not for my previous relationship I would have run for the hills at that thought. The man I dated previously had children and I was so… infatuated with him that I was willing to accept that, even though I did not understand what that entailed. I was only 18 at the time. So when I met Rudi the thought of children did not scare me nearly as much as it would have before. In fact I am grateful for that previous relationship as I believe now that the sole purpose thereof was to prepare me to meet Rudi and not run away from him.
So here I am now, on a journey I never thought I would take. This baby is coming, whether I like it or not. I am afraid of the pain, but I am looking forward to holding him. I realize that childbirth is only an event. Labour is a temporary state of being. I was speaking to Rudi about it and he seems to think that the pain of childbirth is comparable to pain he has experienced. Having had a painful experience myself and knowing what it can feel like, I want to hit him in the face with a baseball bat I tend to disagree. I was only awake for the contractions and that was bad enough already.
It won’t be the same this time. I know that now. That doesn’t mean it is not going to hurt like a motherfucker anyway. I think now that I will deny pethadine as it does nothing good for me…but will I be able to cope? I’m a big baby myself after all. My pain threshhold is practically non-existant.
I guess we are going to find out. Soon.
You will absolutely be able to cope! I am also a big baby, I was an all caesar gilr till I had a baby in my tum, I have coped x2 and I wont lie it can be totally overwhelming and painful in the moment but just work through one contraction at a time and remember one finished is one less to have and one step closer to baby.
Where will you be birthing? Have you considered having a doula with you?
hugs, I was all for having babies till they were inside and then decided that maybe it was a bad idea when the reality of them having to now come out set in. Fear is normal, not being scared would be wierd lol.
This is such a lovely insight! You and I should really have been twins hehe. I think your previous pain was much worse than what you will experience now. For many reasons. I don’t doubt it will be sore, but I am almost certain it will be bearable. Try ask the Dr about other forms of pain relief? Spinal block is lovely haha. [can't feel a thing from belly button down....to your toes] I know it’s easier to say now, and perhaps better understood in hindsight, but don’t look forward to the worry of the birth for now, instead, enjoy the days leading up to it, and don’t worry about it. You will be amazing. You will see
In my experience, the contractions *are* the most painful part. I found that the pushing stage brought a lot of relief from the contractions. And, as we’ve discussed before (and also in my experience), natural contractions are far less intense than Pitocin augmented/induced ones.
Seriously – I believe you’re going to handle it like a champ! Can’t wait to see the first pics of Babyice!
You are so close now! When I was that far along with my son Mic the thought of finally having him in my arms and not being so uncomfortably pregnant anymore outweighed all the worry of how exactly he was getting out. I was so over being pregnant that I didn’t care how.
When the time eventually came I tried to do the natural thing but I never dilated enough even after they had induced me so I landed up having a c-section – which was not part of my plan. It was all so quick really and when they handed me my beautiful boy everything was forgotten. This new little person was mine and nothing else mattered at all.
At the end of the day how they get here becomes a blur. Once you have Babyice in your arms all will be right in your world.
Thinking of you…
remember that natural labour is from within your own body, your body knows what to do and it will not make contractions bigger than what you can cope with. it is from within you it can’t be bigger than you.
And Spiral – really it is the bomb
It can be sore at times but it is over before you know it and then you will have Baby Ice in your arms.
I think Barbara’s idea about a doula is a good one.
You are braver than me. I opted for a c-section from day 1 and I’m not sorry I did. It was perfect for me. I’ve heard so many contrasting opinions on childbirth, labour and all that goes with it. I think that each person’s labour and birthing experience is unique and you need to do what works for you. Long as you are comfortable and confident that is all that matters. Good luck honey I’m sure it will all be just perfect
Oh you will so totally be okay!!! I just know everything is going to be perfect.
You will so be okay. I had two natural births last year and yes it is dam sore, but you get thru it, you deal with it and I promise as soon as you’ve pushed your little one out and you hear that first cry you “forget” the pain. The good thing about going natural, is that you can walk around afterwards, take a bath etc. I wish you lots and lots of luck. This is sooo exciting….. XXXX
You can do it Mama, you will have a great birth.